BOULDER, Colo. (TN) — As the new year approaches, Americans appear to have quietly abandoned the annual tradition of optimistic resolutions, opting instead for modest, deeply achievable goals and motos such as getting through it, it is what it is, or even just not making things any worse. Every new year social media sees its annual rash of new year new me, this is going to be my year, etc.—but this year the general state of the world seems less than optimistic.
Seane Greene, a writer at CU Boulder and senior at the institution said, “Look, man…I’m just over it. Honestly, I’d settle for hating myself a little less,” as he viciously scribbled out large blocks of texts from his Honors Thesis.
Micheal Ingram, a third year philosophy major, said, “2026 will be entirely meaningless…but that’s fine. It’s no different than any other trip around the sun.”
Alex Tompson, a third year philosophy major as well, said “The calendar changing doesn’t actually change anything, well except for the $50 monthly subscription to planet fitness that you only pay once,” as he walked with Ingram to lunch. “Save yourself the $50.”
Poli-Sci major, Emma Rants, asked, “Are you even paying attention to the political sphere? And you’re writing about new years resolutions?” The Nut declined to ask any further questions following a recruiting attempt into the campus’s socialist party.
Mark Alverez, a campus engineering professor, laughingly said, “I’ve been around a long time, those gym memberships are okay, but these love handles are forever.”
“I considered a resolution to give up caffeine,” said Miles Ruiz, a math major and junior. “Realistically, it felt more like an act of violence—so I said meh, nevermind.”
The Administration has struggled to boost morale, but not without trying. A university representative, Lewis Perez, said, “We’ve tried lowering the gym fee, increasing the number of table top groups at the university, and we even hosted social gatherings with free food and video games—but nothing’s working.” He smiled with a touch of optimism, saying, “We’re convinced it’s just a phase.”
While the students appear less than enthusiastic about the coming year, and the administration claims that it’s only a phase. One thing is clear—this year feels different. For better or worse, time will tell, and history has proven that hope always wins. So, make those resolutions and remember, only 80% of them end up as failures. You too, could be in the 20% of success stories every year.
