“Look, I get it. He’s cute,” said one exhausted dog owner, clutching a leash at 1:07 a.m. while her golden retriever made prolonged eye contact with a group of squealing sophomores. “But if I hear one more ‘Oh my GOD he’s literally the cutest baby ever’ in that high-pitched voice while I’m half-asleep waiting for him to take a dump, I’m going to lose it.”