Student

Student to ‘Plot World Domination’ After Another Student Stole Their Unassigned-Assigned Seat

Despite nearly a week away from finals, a recent tip indicated a student plotting revenge after an anonymous student stole their unassigned-assigned seating in a lecture. Initial reporting from witnesses claimed to see the student, “absolutely fuming with hot air coming out of their nose and ears,”

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Student Claims They’re A Merman: Refuses to Leave the Buff Pool

What do CUPD and CU Lifeguards have in common? They’re both out of their depth. At least that’s how it feels surrounding student Caleb Warner, who refuses to leave the Buff Pool. Lifeguards and CUPD found themselves at a loss when all their techniques to remove Caleb failed. Removal attempts involved fishing nets, life rafts, and an impressively constructed shark costume. So far there has been no success.

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