Student

Student Claims They’re A Merman: Refuses to Leave the Buff Pool

Sports, Student /

What do CUPD and CU Lifeguards have in common? They’re both out of their depth. At least that’s how it feels surrounding student Caleb Warner, who refuses to leave the Buff Pool. Lifeguards and CUPD found themselves at a loss when all their techniques to remove Caleb failed. Removal attempts involved fishing nets, life rafts, and an impressively constructed shark costume. So far there has been no success.

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Eat Your Heart out ChatGPT, Meet the Man With Infinite Monkeys and Typewriters in His Dorm

Editors Pick, Student /

“You have no idea how much monkeys poop, let alone an infinite number of them,” Roachell said. “It’s not all bad, though. Most of them are super happy and friendly—except for Ted. Ted smokes and swears—we’ve had HR meetings, but he doesn’t seem to care. He just says, ‘I came up with the new Dragon Age game, you aren’t going to fire me.’ It’s difficult at times to deal with all the personalities involved.”

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Student Realizes Their Spring Break Goals May Have Been Overly Ambitious

Student /

Counting on their fingers, a student related, “I wanted to do my taxes, write multiple short stories and poems, make progress on my novel, catch up on my homework…and probably some other things I forgot about. I forgot how hard it is to actually write, so I could only manage one short story that still sucks.”

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