Barnard sophomore Emily R. announced Monday that she is “behind in life” after applying to only 24 summer internships over winter break. The realization comes amid a growing belief among college students that anything short of constant productivity by age 19 constitutes irreversible personal and professional failure.
“I only applied to 24 internships,” said Emily, visibly distressed. “Some people applied to 40.”
On top of this setback, Emily has yet to declare her major and is currently enrolled in just 17 credits this semester. According to campus consensus, this places her well below the expected workload for a student hoping to remain competitive.
“When the school says 19 credits is the limit, what they really mean is that it’s the baseline,” explained Samantha Klein, a Barnard senior who lists herself as “very busy” in her email signature. “If you’re not taking over 20 credits, you’re kind of opting out of success.”
Emily has also reportedly fallen behind extracurricularly. She is only a member of two campus organizations and does not hold a board position in either.
“Two clubs is basically nothing,” said freshman Stacy Collins, who currently serves as secretary for one club, co-president of another, and “informal consultant” for a third. “By sophomore year, you should at least be running something.”
Emily further admitted that she uses her Fridays, with no scheduled classes, as a designated homework day rather than a time to pursue freelance work, networking opportunities, or personal branding initiatives.
“I just don’t know how she expects to build a résumé like that,” Stacy added.
Samantha Klein confirmed that this mindset is both common and necessary. “People like to say ‘life’s not a race,’” she said. “But it absolutely is. And everyone else started sprinting in high school.”
Students interviewed emphasized that career planning should begin early, ideally before the age of 20. Emily reportedly does not yet have a 10-year plan, nor has she made any serious investments.
“At this point, she should already be in crypto,” said Lila Morton, another senior. “If you don’t have stocks by 19, you’re basically choosing to be broke forever.”
Lila added that failing to accumulate thousands of dollars in savings by this age is “concerning,” especially for students without existing savings accounts.
“Like, what do you mean you don’t have one yet?” she said.
When asked to comment on Emily’s current trajectory, Samantha Klein did not hesitate.
“Failure,” she said.
