As we know, the snow has not melted for weeks now. This is old snow. Very old snow. A sorority has recently come under fire for a new hazing ritual involving the consumption of dirty black snow piled along city streets.
The unusually large pile near the 116th Street Columbia entrance was reportedly shrinking—despite diabolically freezing temperatures that ruled out any natural explanation.
“When I noticed the pile getting smaller, I thought it was just the salt doing its thing,” said one student. “Now I know it was rush.”
Concerns escalated after three Barnard freshmen were hospitalized during sorority recruitment, at which point the dots began to connect.
“Are we serious right now? You can literally see piss in the snow,” said Yerin Cho, roommate of one of the hospitalized freshmen.
“I never understood sorority culture, and this just confirms why my bewilderment persists,” Cho continued, gesturing toward the remaining pile of snow in question.
As more details emerged regarding the students’ hospitalizations, the university issued a formal statement condemning snow-eating hazing rituals.
“Consuming urban sludge is not cool,” the statement read. “Forcing underclassmen to eat blackened, two-week-old snow will result in disciplinary action.”
Administrators declined to comment on what pledges were expected to eat next.
