After an extensive investigation into stolen vending machines across campus, authorities have finally identified the perpetrator.
Former district superintendent Jude Trichel has been revealed to be the vending machine thief. However, it has also been revealed that Jude Trichel is not Jude Trichel at all.
Instead, Trichel has been revealed to be three raccoons stacked on top of each other.
These three raccoons have single-handedly pulled strings behind the scenes for a comically long amount of time. They’ve consistently attended meetings, managed district budgets, and hired administrators.
The raccoons did all of this while successfully and unlawfully abducting vending machines campus-wide for some reason.
Despite their uncharacteristic competency and the increasing number of disappearing vending machines, seemingly no one among the staff had the slightest suspicion that something was off.
It wasn’t until a student noticed a raccoon’s tail behind the superintendent in a district photo and contacted the authorities that Trichel was finally pursued.
The raccoons’ reign of terror has been brought to an end, and they are being incarcerated for their crimes against students, staff, and vending machines.
