Scrappy the Eagle, UNT’s famous feathered figure and trusty mascot, was found hungover just outside his apartment building the morning after Valentine’s Day. The eagle’s neighbors chimed in, stating that he muttered various drunk vagueries over the course of several hours, before vomiting on himself and collapsing at his doorstep.
Campus Mascot Failed to Clap Cheeks on Valentine’s Day Read More »
“I can barely drive during the holiday. Whenever I see some couple walking hand-in-hand down the street, flaunting in my face what I can’t have, I just get so angry. All I’d need to do is scootch my steering wheel a little to the right and I could show those motherfuckers how bad they make me feel, it’d be so easy, I have to bite my lip to take my mind off how easy it’d be”
When I ask you to think of a martial artist, what comes to mind? You may conjure up images of champion professional fighters such as Mike Tyson or Brock Lesnar. Perhaps you imagine the faces of legendary movie stuntmen like Bruce Lee. Heck, you might even think of purely fictional fighters, like Little Mac, The
New MMA Club Quickly Expanding as Art Majors Prepare for Careers in Unemployment Read More »
“See, last semester, I had a bunch of friends, We all sat at the same table in one of my Math classes, and we would chat breeze for the 15 minutes it took for the class to start, it was a riot,” Ali explained, “When Finals rolled around, We all got each others numbers and swore we would call each other, but all of December, I never got a single text from any of them. I could have called them, I guess, but I just never got around to it.”
Student Returning From Winter Break Realizes He Has No Real Friends on Campus Read More »
Last Monday morning, the UNT Dean’s Office put out an official bulletin asking that the student body stop entering THE HALLWAY, citing concerns over student safety. THE HALLWAY mysteriously appeared within the Sycamore Hall library last month, with security camera footage showing it simply manifesting into the Library’s outer wall between video frames.
UNT Administration Politely Requests Students Stop Entering THE HALLWAY Read More »
Recently, all businesses in Denton have been putting up posters promoting their Thanksgiving events and promotions. In the small Deli, they offer a platter of four large sandwiches for fifty bucks.
Local Restaraunts Offer Deals to Stranded Students This Thanksgiving Read More »
A new study has found that students who study course material before test day are more likely to score a passing grade. Some students have shared their thoughts on these findings.
“Hard work pays off, that’s no shock,” UNT senior and valedictorian Alayna Sterling said. “It’s a miracle we needed a study to tell us all the obvious.”
“I never even considered that,” UNT freshman Faye Ling said. “That explains so much.”
“Y’all are taking tests?” former UNT student DeNyle Jones said.
Studies Find That Students Who Study More Are Likely to Get Good Grades Read More »
UNT leadership fears of possibly losing funds because of the new education crusade from the government.As they are after classes, gender identity and sexuality. UNT knows it cannot afford to eliminate the sociology, psychology, and theology programs entirely, since discussions of these topics occur in the classes. As any fearless leader would do, a hasty decision had to be made.
Drag Shows Are Banned! Wait, No They Aren’t. Wait, Yes They Are. Wait… Read More »
The SGA of UNT has drafted a bill to ensure its constituents have fewer classes in October. This bill will allow the students to leave classes at the latest by 12 p.m. on October 10th, the day of the UNT vs. University of South Florida football game. The bill still needs to be approved by President Harrison Keller, and a lot feel that the bill will be approved due to all the great talking points that are covered in the bill, and the SGA body’s statements.
SGA Drafts Bill to Allow Students to Skip Afternoon Classes Read More »
After spending upwards of $10,000 on an impressive new Chromebook, sophomore student Stephen Jockey now possesses a machine strong enough to keep up with the ever-increasing pace of his oppressive college workload.
Student’s Chromebook Running Minecraft With RTX Mods Bursts Into Flames Read More »
