UNT President Harrison Keller has made a statement on this to ease student hysteria.
“Don’t you guys have jobs?” Keller questioned earnestly.
Tuition Cost Skyrockets After Unt Board of Officials Realize They Can Just Charge More Read More »
For the past six weeks, Rawlins Hall has received nonstop visitation from a mysterious “Lobster Man”, who reportedly arrives at the residence hall with the sole goal of eating a lobster. While this may sound unremarkable, the Lobster Man has continuously vexed and confused students and staff with his presence.
Some Guy Eating 3 Pound Lobster in the Middle of Rawlins Hall for Some Reason Read More »
After an extensive investigation into stolen vending machines across campus, authorities have finally identified the perpetrator.
Vending Machine Thief Turns out to Be Three Raccoons in a Trench Coat Read More »
I get up and look outside my window, all I see are the beautiful trees and the clouds trekking across the sky. I don’t see any horrible crimes or widescale abuse of power, I only see peace, and everyone knows things are only real if I can see them.
Absolutely Nothing Happened Last Week and Everything Is Fine Read More »
Scrappy the Eagle, UNT’s famous feathered figure and trusty mascot, was found hungover just outside his apartment building the morning after Valentine’s Day. The eagle’s neighbors chimed in, stating that he muttered various drunk vagueries over the course of several hours, before vomiting on himself and collapsing at his doorstep.
Campus Mascot Failed to Clap Cheeks on Valentine’s Day Read More »
“I can barely drive during the holiday. Whenever I see some couple walking hand-in-hand down the street, flaunting in my face what I can’t have, I just get so angry. All I’d need to do is scootch my steering wheel a little to the right and I could show those motherfuckers how bad they make me feel, it’d be so easy, I have to bite my lip to take my mind off how easy it’d be”
When I ask you to think of a martial artist, what comes to mind? You may conjure up images of champion professional fighters such as Mike Tyson or Brock Lesnar. Perhaps you imagine the faces of legendary movie stuntmen like Bruce Lee. Heck, you might even think of purely fictional fighters, like Little Mac, The
New MMA Club Quickly Expanding as Art Majors Prepare for Careers in Unemployment Read More »
“See, last semester, I had a bunch of friends, We all sat at the same table in one of my Math classes, and we would chat breeze for the 15 minutes it took for the class to start, it was a riot,” Ali explained, “When Finals rolled around, We all got each others numbers and swore we would call each other, but all of December, I never got a single text from any of them. I could have called them, I guess, but I just never got around to it.”
Student Returning From Winter Break Realizes He Has No Real Friends on Campus Read More »
Last Monday morning, the UNT Dean’s Office put out an official bulletin asking that the student body stop entering THE HALLWAY, citing concerns over student safety. THE HALLWAY mysteriously appeared within the Sycamore Hall library last month, with security camera footage showing it simply manifesting into the Library’s outer wall between video frames.
UNT Administration Politely Requests Students Stop Entering THE HALLWAY Read More »
Recently, all businesses in Denton have been putting up posters promoting their Thanksgiving events and promotions. In the small Deli, they offer a platter of four large sandwiches for fifty bucks.
Local Restaraunts Offer Deals to Stranded Students This Thanksgiving Read More »
