This week, UVA has seen a surge of physical altercations among students. Small groups of masked students have been seen spontaneously jumping their peers, knocking out their teeth, gathering them off the pavement, then running away.
With concerns regarding the stability of federal research funding, UVA has decided upon a new cost-saving initiative. The University will, beginning this spring, no longer be maintaining or acknowledging the existence of crosswalks on grounds.
This Monday, UVA Dine has announced a test run of a new gourmet menu in all on-grounds dining facilities next weekend, from November 7th to 9th. New menu items include braised ribs, baked salmon fillet, homemade-style ravioli, and carrot turmeric soup.
This Wednesday, an unprecedented and disturbing event occurred just off UVA grounds. A CVS Creep was spotted inside the store, harassing an undergraduate student.
Urgent Grounds-Wide Announcement: CVS Creeps Have Learned How to Use Doors Read More »
“I don’t understand why this happened,” commented BoV member Shell Aut, “The Board has, and will continue, to work in the best interest of the school, the federal government, and our wallets.”
Board of Visitors “Really Sad” After Continuous Votes of No Confidence Read More »
As we prepare for a new month, pumpkin spice lattes, and seasonal depression, here are your horoscopes to guide you through the day. Aquarius: Don’t shoot the messenger. Firstly, this is a very rude thing to do. Secondly, they know what you are capable of and are prepared to react accordingly. Pisces: Good things come
The University of Virginia prides itself on its diversity and commitment to a safe and inclusive environment for students of all kinds, regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, or religion. Unfortunately, this commitment has caused the university to run into a predicament, as a small group of students on the grounds has formed a new religion, and has chosen the 3rd floor communal bathroom in Kent House as their house of worship.
Entity Created out of Mass of Hair, Mold, and Nail Clippings Found in Shower Drain Read More »
UVA is known for its commitment to excellence, from strict admittance qualifications, to an extensive network of alumni, to its dedicated maintenance of its beautiful and historic campus. The school is even ranked the fourth best public university in America, according to U.S. News. This is why, when USA Today announced a ranking of the “10 Most Challenging Wheelchair Obstacle Courses in America”, it was no surprise that UVA was on the podium, ranking third nationally.
UVA Proudly Ranked #3 Most Challenging Wheelchair Obstacle Course in America Read More »
This Wednesday, the University’s Construction & Renovation Services Department announced sweeping Grounds-wide bathroom renovations. UVA’s public and dorm restrooms are notoriously out of date, so the announcement was initially met with celebration, followed by abject horror when the department’s Associate Director, Pepper Thomas, elaborated on the specific renovations in mind.
University Increases Gap in Bathroom Stalls Even Further in Order to Foster Connection Read More »
“I know the freshman meal plans are highway robbery, but they’ve purged your bank account, don’t forfeit the contents of your stomach too.”
