Every year on the 4th of July, Americans across the country celebrate the way God truly intended, by watching Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Every time all eyes are on one man. No one has captured the hearts of Americans quite like the 16-time champion, Joey Chestnut.
In a developing story out of Atlanta, Georgia. 78-year-old Donald Trump faced off against 81-year-old President Joe Biden this Thursday, June 27, 2024, for the first Geriatric Presidential Debate of the United States. “After a poor performance at the debate, the Democratic Party is no longer confident that Biden’s advanced age will not affect his ability to serve another 4-year term.,” said Nut Political Analyst, Amy Cooperest. “In light of this, the party has decided to pivot their support to the 39th President of the United States, 99-year-old Jimmy Carter.” Cooperest went on to explain that the former President will be wheeled out of hospice to take on Donald Trump on the 2024 Campaign Trail.
“President Carter’s wheelchair may not win him any style points but I assure you that he is stronger than ever”, said Vice President Kamala Harris, proudly standing by her new running mate, “The idea that I might have to take over is outrageous. After all, 99 is the new 65!”
DNC Wheels 99-Year-Old Jimmy Carter Out of Hospice Care to Replace Biden Read More »
Does pressing the “X” button serve the ball or does that also just dick slap your opponent? This is just one of many questions you’ll ask when playing the new “Challengers” DLC, now available for Top Spin 2K25. That’s right, 2K Games, creators of the tennis video game Top Spin, have just released a new
Topspin 2k25 releases “Challengers” DLC with little to no tennis Read More »
Sarah Nelson, a swiftie here at Drew wanted to show that it is perfectly normal to travel in luxury no matter how long the trip is. The trip in question was from her dorm in Mclendon to her environmental studies class in Brothers College which is usually a grueling 10-minute walk. Thanks to her private jet, the trip took only 32 seconds.
Swiftie Flies Private Jet From McLendon To Class In Brothers College Read More »
Ethel Jenkins, A Clemson University English professor has canceled all of her classes on Friday, November 3rd because Fortnite is bringing back the OG map. 84-year-old Professor Jenkins who teaches a class on classical Greek literature sent an email stating that she was “very disappointed to hear” that students were planning to attend class on
“I don’t have any friends to share my Disney Plus account with so why should other people get to?!,” said Disney CEO, Bob Iger. (Tune in next week for “The Nut gets sued by the Disney Corporation”) Iger went on to say that Disney Plus will end all account sharing by 2024. This is bad
It’s been a busy day running from class to class. One paper is due at midnight, and two tests tomorrow. Rapidly walking down the path, you think you might have 5 minutes for lunch. That’s when your phone rings with the persistence and intensity that could only indicate a Super Volcano erupting in the arboretum.
Rumors have been swirling that Taylor Swift and Range Bear are dating. Those rumors have seemingly been confirmed as the singer was spotted sitting next to Mama Bear in Ranger Bear’s family suite. The rumors started after Taylor Swift had broken up with her long-time boyfriend Joe Alwyn and then rebounded with a small
Last week, the US military asked civilians to help them find a missing F-35 aircraft that they had lost track of. While you may have seen reports that say the jet was found, these have actually been circulated to hide the truth: the missing jet has been found by representatives of Drew University, who is
Drew University Finds Missing US Military Jet, Holds For Ransom Read More »
