EAST LANSING, MI – An MSU film student by the name of Jeffery Jettson is making it known that the Minecraft Movie (2025) is a waste of everybody’s time.
The self-proclaimed filmmaking prodigy and junior film major is not holding back, saying, “It’s a low-brow, pandering, piece of crap and a mockery in the name of filmmaking.”
Jeffery said he attended the movie and came back beyond disappointed. “I got home and my dog immediately threw up. Did you know dogs have smell receptors that are four million times greater than ours? Clearly he could smell the Minecraft Movie on me and it made him sick.”
Jeffery had a major problem with everything cinematically and thought it was poorly produced and directed. He also just didn’t “get” the movie. “What’s with this chicken jockey crap? Flint and steel? I am Steve? What is this bullshit? What are we? Twelve? Grow up.”
Jeffery did provide his own take on where it went wrong. “They attempted to make a cynical critique on our Post-Industrial Revolution society and it just fell way short of the mark. It flopped. Flopped like communism. Similar to communism, the idea was there–and frankly I agree with the critique–but the execution just wasn’t.”
When asked to elaborate on what the hell he’s talking about, Jeffery just proclaimed: “Isn’t it fucking obvious?”
When asked to just explain and not be a dick, Jeffery ran off and said he was late for a date with his totally-not-imaginary girlfriend to hate-watch the Sonic movie.
