EAST LANSING, MI – Spring semester of 2025 has arrived at Michigan State University. As many freshmen begin their second semester of college, the nerves of new classes and living alone are still there for many. Meanwhile, seniors prepare to graduate and enter the real world, but neither of these apply to one very special undergrad…
Kyle Chad III is a super-super-super-super senior starting his 22nd semester of undergrad at MSU. We caught up with Kyle at a bar at 3 pm on a Tuesday afternoon.
“Why would I want to graduate when I have everything right in front of me here?” Kyle said as he downed some poor stranger’s unattended pitcher of beer. “They say college days are the best of your life. So why let them end?”
Chad’s mother is hoping this will finally be the semester that Kyle wakes up and graduates. Chad is 14 credits from graduation but hasn’t passed a class in 4 semesters.
“The Chad family is one of our most loyal customers,” said MSU President Kevin Guskiwhateverhisnameis. “Their gracious donations every semester are a very thoughtful gesture, and we look forward to their continued support.”
Kyle, majoring in business, is looking forward to his philosophy class most this semester as well as his gym class. “Those classes will be fun whenever I decide to go sleep in class instead of sleeping in or whatever. For the most part, I can’t wait to go hit the bars with my fake ID and Gam-Gam’s inheritance money and party all night every night.”
“He is a disappointment,” is all Chad’s grandmother could say from her grave.
If you’re wondering why the 28-year-old needs a fake ID, he claims it makes his experience more “accurate” and “more lit” as it allows him to fit in with the younger kids.
As for his mom’s hope to finally see her son graduate, Kyle had this to say: “Well, she kept believing my father still loved her all throughout their divorce, so false hope is nothing new for her.”
Chad says he has no plans to graduate anytime soon.
“I’d say I have this life thing figured out pretty well, and I have no intentions of ruining it.”
