As the GVSU Lakers hockey season heats up at Georgetown Ice Center, members of the hockey community have launched a formal petition to replace Louie the Laker with the ice arena’s Zamboni resurfacing machine as the university’s official mascot.
The petition has collected over 300 signatures, roughly 100 of which were just the team signing it multiple times.
“Louie’s never been on the ice. What kind of Laker is afraid of frozen water?” says one player, supporting the petition.
Players cite the Zamboni’s perfect attendance record as proof of superior mascot material. The machine hasn’t missed a single game since the team was established in 1974, while Louie has called in sick at least four times.
Freshmen have embraced the movement with a disturbing amount of enthusiasm. Though fans in the student section are split on the issue. Some believe the change is long overdue, while others think the team has finally lost it.
“I’ve watched this Zamboni for four years. She’s got more fans than the team themselves. I’m in,” one regular attendee stated.
Parents attending games seem confused by the whole situation. One father was overheard asking, “Is this a joke or is this what I’m paying for in your tuition?” His son, a freshman, responded that it was “definitely serious business.”
The athletics department called the petition “creative” but added that “no changes are planned.” Louie the Laker was unavailable for comment but was last seen giving the hockey team the silent treatment at a recent basketball game.
The Zamboni continues its work, oblivious to the chaos and is quietly becoming the most beloved figure in GVSU athletics whether the administration likes it or not.
