Boulder, CO— CU Boulder is known for being one of the most beautiful college campuses in the United States, and in a bid to become even more beautiful…
Study Finds Only 10% of People at CU Boulder Can Walk in a Straight Line Read More »
Vanguard CEO, Salim Ramji, says, “You will own nothing, and you will be happy about it. We’re making great strides to reinvigorate indentured servitude at Vail Resorts, and we’re more than pleased with the results.”
What do CUPD and CU Lifeguards have in common? They’re both out of their depth. At least that’s how it feels surrounding student Caleb Warner, who refuses to leave the Buff Pool. Lifeguards and CUPD found themselves at a loss when all their techniques to remove Caleb failed. Removal attempts involved fishing nets, life rafts, and an impressively constructed shark costume. So far there has been no success.
Student Claims They’re A Merman: Refuses to Leave the Buff Pool Read More »
“It’s just a really big part of my identity,” bemoans Carson Reed. “Who am I when I’m not standing out because of my shorts in subzero temps?”
Unusually Warm Weather Impacts Winter Short Wearers Read More »
“You have no idea how much monkeys poop, let alone an infinite number of them,” Roachell said. “It’s not all bad, though. Most of them are super happy and friendly—except for Ted. Ted smokes and swears—we’ve had HR meetings, but he doesn’t seem to care. He just says, ‘I came up with the new Dragon Age game, you aren’t going to fire me.’ It’s difficult at times to deal with all the personalities involved.”
Boulder, CO— The presence of dogs on campus doesn’t just increase overall well-being and the number of smiles per day; they may also increase test scores, but not in the way that you might think.
New Study Shows That Dogs Can Improve Student Grades Read More »
A recent study conducted by anthropology upperclassmen has made waves in the broader CU community. The study, meant only to observe the human connection to the sun, reveals that intrinsically every 17-19-year-old feels a call to the sun.
New Study Finds That Freshmen Follow the Sun Like Cats Read More »
The CU Boulder campus is split into factions over a contentious issue. The debate started in mid-January and quickly spiraled out of control. The campus water heaters have been experiencing issues since there have been student dorms, but lately, things have taken a turn. Students haven’t been able to take even 10-minute showers without the water turning cold, leading to many abstaining from showering in the first place.
Student Gets Hypothermia From Cold Shower After Heater Broke Read More »
The beginning of the spring semester means a lot of things to different students. For many, it’s a new opportunity to center themselves, and stick to their resolutions. Some dread the return to homework and obligations. One thing that the CU community can agree on is that the start of a new year means the start of flu season.
College Students Test Positive for Ancient Diseases Read More »
In a groundbreaking new study, CU Boulder’s Neuroscience Department discovers that no one actually likes networking. It turns out that everyone is just afraid of being poor. It’s a shared psychosis in mass.
New Study Finds That No One Actually Likes Networking Events Read More »
