Kennesaw, GA. – Romance all around as we get closer to Valentine’s Day, but as the risk of your gift getting flamed in group chats and becoming an online think piece for X rises, the stakes are never higher. Your partner deserves the best, but if you’re still recovering from Christmas or your parleys for the Super Bowl brought nothing (damn you, Drake Maye), here are tips to save.
1. Pick Flowers
What’s more romantic than yanking stuff off the ground? It’s fresher than the stuff from stores anyway. I’m sure you got neighbors whose gardens need tending to anyway, so do them a favor. No luck? Paint some flowery-looking plants and say it’s DIY.
2. Order DoorDash with the Name of a Famous Influencer
Is Keith Lee at your local Olive Garden? Probably not, but maybe they’re overworked enough to just let it pass. They’re not getting paid enough to care anyway, so you get the best food at a potential discount.
3. Being Single is Quite Fiscally Responsible
Rent isn’t getting any cheaper, and think of all the gas money you get to save in the future. Just a thought for the long term.
4. Catfish
Someone is always desperate enough to trick them into giving you gifts for you to regift to your partner. Their fault if they don’t have the foresight to actually see this coming before seeing you.
5. Fake Proposal
Classic. Go to a nice restaurant and bring a fake ring, and then, before dessert. Kneel. Complimentary dinner for the lovebirds. Tip: tell your partner before doing this, or you’ll find yourself without one, or you’ll have another reason to save money.
6. Just hang with your friends instead
They don’t expect much, just your company. Bro doesn’t judge. If your partner gets mad and leaves, maybe they aren’t worth keeping. Just saying…
7. Dr. Pepper
This is for a small majority, but a very passionate small majority. To a gold miner, the bare minimum is treasure, and honestly, that’s the same mindset as a Dr. Pepper enjoyer. At what point does it become an addiction?
8. Steal from your Parents
Pay a visit to them, say you want to ask for advice from a great couple. Butter them up before you scour their drawers for the endless coupons or take portions of that nice home-cooked meal in Tupperware. Hell, maybe your dad actually bought flowers this year, so take those too. If they get mad, ask if they want grandchildren or not.
9. Go Woke, Go (Not) Broke
The success of this depends on how leftist your partner is, but just protest Valentine’s Day. They ask why? Fortunately (for you), there are a lot of things not to stand for these days, but you can go with the classic “capitalist brainwashing” excuse. Be the change you want to see.
10. Check the Lost and Found
Most of the buildings on campus have a huge collection in the lost and found, especially the gym. Check with someone who works there AND see if anyone left any jewelry or maybe an Apple Watch, if you’re lucky.
11. Play Dumb
Just say you thought it was a leap year or that you put the wrong date for the gift delivery for your next pay date. Sure, if your partner buys it, you know they think you’re a moron or just think very little of your intelligence. However, respect doesn’t bring money, so suck it up.
12. BREAK UP
Oh, please, you’re a college student. This won’t last a few months past your graduation. Holding hands around campus like you’re compensating for how little you guys actually like each other. Stay inside or break up already. We’re all going to die alone anyway. Ruining my damn Saturday for this, why the hell are the seats crowded for the cartoon goat movie? BREAK UP.
13. Make a Snack Basket for a Home Movie Night
Gather all her favorite snacks and buy a nice, cheap basket from Home Depot with ribbons to give her. Watch your favorite movies and share snacks like a bargain picnic in the living room. Time is the most precious gift.
14. Scour your Social Network for Breakups
People break up pretty close to the big day to avoid buying gifts, often after the other party already gotten one. Can’t let it go to waste, let their pain fuel love that still persists. You get to show their effort mattered to someone, just not to the one they wanted. Happy Valentine’s Day!
