It’s common knowledge that Valentine’s Day was created to torture single people. Though cruel and unusual punishment is made illegal by the Bill of Rights, Valentine’s Day nonetheless continues to exist.
Though the dreaded February 14th is upon us, there is luckily a solution for the loneliness epidemic that plagues us: Dating a Sophomore Digital Storytelling Major with a Creative Writing minor who enjoys recreational ultimate frisbee, is (basically) 6 feet tall, and frequently plays Pokémon Legends: Arceus, (but not Legends: Z-A ).
Naturally, you may have some questions about why the ideal romantic partner would be a Digital Storytelling major of all things. The answer for that is simple: Digital Storytelling majors are well versed in media and therefore often have niche and obscure tastes.
Digital Storytelling majors are deeply, painfully into things you’ve probably never even heard of. Movies like Interstellar, books like Gulliver’s Travels, and bands like Nirvana. If your Digital Storytelling babe is really niche and indie they may even listen to this super underground band called Weezer. (I’d recommend looking that band up online because I doubt you’ve ever listened to them.)
The Creative Writing minor is the cherry on top of your hot date, as it makes them extra poetic and super romantic because they have a mega gooder way with words than most people. Yeah.
Additionally, truly top tier boyfriend material must be an ultimate frisbee player. Ultimate frisbee is a sport that consists of strategy and a high IQ. You have to calculate the trajectory your frisbee must go, flick your wrist just right in a stunning show of athleticism, and be humble enough not to brag at their constant success.If this player is also around 6 feet tall (rounding up) then they’re practically oozing with charm.
As for Pokémon Legends: Arceus? Safe to say only hot people play it. Arceus offers historical insights on the 19th century Meiji restoration and implications on the effects of the industrial revolution on wildlife and the environment. On the other hand, hot people also refuse to buy Pokémon Legends: Z-A because it disrespects the legacy of Pokemon X and Y. It doesn’t even have regional variant pokemon.
At this point you may be wondering: how can I find myself an incredible guy who meets all of these qualifications? You’re probably thinking that there’s no way that someone this amazing would ever be single. Well, dear Nutters, I have good news. There is someone on this campus who is completely available and ready to enter the dating scene, and we at the Nut have the inside scoop on who. That person’s Instagram handle is @dominic_duh_bombinic. You should totally dm me…I mean him…sometime soon.
Yeah.
