MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS, MANHATTAN — Barnard College has released admissions for the class of 2030, and in an effort to soft-launch their “mysterious era,” the institution has declined to publicly disclose the admissions rate for a second year in a row. What was once considered to be a staple of higher education transparency and prestige is now apparently regarded as “a bit too try-hard.”
In an exclusive interview with The Nut, Barnard President Laura Rosenbury stated the decision was purely motivated by “the attempt to encourage our nonchalant, niche aura. To quantify vibes into numbers and statistics is a disrespect to the Barnard culture.”
This is only the first step in the college’s plan to deepen its “mysterious era.” An anonymous admission officer stated there could be changes to the Barnard application itself, including sections evaluating a potential student’s aura when leaning up against a door with wired headphones, staring off into the distance.
Rosenbury clarified that the move is a part of a broader institutional “not like other girls” rebrand, prioritizing “effective confusion” and “productive misrepresentation.” Incoming students have expressed their concerns about the college’s effort for transparency; however, Rosenbury insisted that “if applicants were to understand their chances, then we would have failed as an institution, and more importantly failed on our nonchalantmaxxing streak.”
“Ultimately, Barnard insists that your chances are overrated,” Rosenbury stated, “but vibes are always true.”
