For centuries, students have relied on their advisors to guide them through their college experience. Whether it be to design their upcoming course schedule or to help choose a major, advisors are a key part of the academic landscape. Unfortunately for Georgia State Students, they seem to only make matters worse.
When scheduling an appointment, many students have found that their assigned advisor is never available, and they’re forced to meet with one who doesn’t understand them on a personal level. The advisors are often only available via Webex, and the virtual sessions typically last no more than 10 minutes.
Once on the appointment, the student is left waiting for half of the time slot with their tardy advisor. After they finally join, the advice given has led students down the wrong path. A rising sophomore claims that an advisor persuaded them not to take the “boring” classes and to avoid the ones that “don’t sound fun.” Unfortunately for them, the “boring” classes were the ones required for their major.
When applying to graduate, one unlucky senior was told that he didn’t “meet the requirements.” The student was unaware of said requirements, as his advisor had been continuously registering him for a different student’s classes by accident. The student had been patiently waiting to see how “Ethics of Applied Bassoonery” related to his Marketing major. Sadly, these errors pushed his graduation date back by over 12 semesters. He was left in the dust, arguing about embouchure while his peers moved up the ranks of Corporate America.
This past Monday, the disgruntled senior went in person to the advisement office in search of his elusive advisor. He stopped, dropped, and rolled by the front desk, past the unbothered student employees, then kicked down the door to Mr. Grounoup’s office. What he found behind the door was completely unprecedented.
Two kids in trench coats were stacked on top of one another, sharing a giant lollipop behind the desk. The brim of their brown fedora was tilted down, shielding the upper part of the little boy’s face. The senior rushed over and took the lollipop from the kid’s hand in fear that they’d choke, then ran out of the office in disbelief.
For the duration of his entire college career, the student’s academic advisor had been two kids in a trenchcoat. He thought back to the jumbled emails and how the advisor’s camera had always been off on Webex. The advisor had only ever communicated in the chat, and always with excessive emojis. He also realized that their limited availability between the prime hours of 1-3pm was due to naptime.
An open investigation into Mr. Grounoup is being conducted by Georgia State University. Coincidentally, he has mysteriously disappeared from campus. When searching his office, all that was found was a broken fidget spinner and video games lining the filing cabinet. It’s clear that the suspect might not even know what college is, let alone how to properly advise. Updates will be provided accordingly, and GSU urges students to keep an eye out for a suspiciously tall and clumsy man in a trenchcoat.
