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DNC Wheels 99-Year-Old Jimmy Carter Out of Hospice Care to Replace Biden

National, Uncategorized /

In a developing story out of Atlanta, Georgia. 78-year-old Donald Trump faced off against 81-year-old President Joe Biden this Thursday, June 27, 2024, for the first Geriatric Presidential Debate of the United States. “After a poor performance at the debate, the Democratic Party is no longer confident that Biden’s advanced age will not affect his ability to serve another 4-year term.,” said Nut Political Analyst, Amy Cooperest. “In light of this, the party has decided to pivot their support to the 39th President of the United States, 99-year-old Jimmy Carter.” Cooperest went on to explain that the former President will be wheeled out of hospice to take on Donald Trump on the 2024 Campaign Trail.

“President Carter’s wheelchair may not win him any style points but I assure you that he is stronger than ever”, said Vice President Kamala Harris, proudly standing by her new running mate, “The idea that I might have to take over is outrageous. After all, 99 is the new 65!”

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Topspin 2k25 releases “Challengers” DLC with little to no tennis

National, Uncategorized /

Does pressing the “X” button serve the ball or does that also just dick slap your opponent? This is just one of many questions you’ll ask when playing the new “Challengers” DLC, now available for Top Spin 2K25. That’s right, 2K Games, creators of the tennis video game Top Spin, have just released a new

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Drew is Officially in an Economic Crisis as Inflation Causes The Pub to Raise the Cost of Pizza Slices to $2

Campus, Food, Uncategorized /

One of Drew University’s fun and unique features is the on-campus bar, The Pub, located in the EC. Known for its cozy atmosphere and bizarre videos, it has also been a favorite because of its free pizza policy. Alas, this is finally changing, with pizza now costing $2.

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Drew Facilities Won’t Stop Until They Blowing Away Every Last Leaf

Campus, Uncategorized /

It’s that time of year, when the leaves change color and turn our forest into a picturesque orange rainbow perfect for promotional pictures. But there’s one drawback to this lovely time of year. Once the leaves fall, Drew releases an army of highly trained facilities staff whose one mission is to find and destroy every

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