A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.
Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs Read More »
Since last year’s dining service switched to gourmet dining, which solely utilizes Grubhub, Ranger Bear has become accustomed to ordering his usual McDonald’s and storing it for the upcoming winter.
Ranger Bear Forced to Come out of Hibernation Following Grubhub Shutdown Read More »
BOULDER, Colo.(TN) — On Thurs. Oct. 15 CU Boulder announced the nation’s first academic program dedicated to procrastination. University officials say it’s been “a long time coming.” The Procrastination program promises to prepare students for a lifetime of putting things off with intention, purpose, and the absolute bare minimum effort a human being can possibly contribute.
CU Boulder Introduces New Major in Procrastination Studies Read More »
Chaos erupted on the ASU campus Monday evening following news of a missing student over allegations of fraternizing with a University of Arizona student.
The Drew administration urges students to contact the Madison authorities should they encounter a horde of lady beetles, so they can send the proper experts to deal with it.
Copy of Students Prepare for the Upcoming Winter Lady Bug Apocalypse Read More »
As the high of fall break sizzles out, students return to campus with higher hopes and in good spirits. Coming back at the peak of midterm season, all students want to do is lock in.
However, Drew Facilities had a better idea.
Drew Students Gladiator Battle Over the Only Laundry Machine on Campus Read More »
“I don’t understand why this happened,” commented BoV member Shell Aut, “The Board has, and will continue, to work in the best interest of the school, the federal government, and our wallets.”
Board of Visitors “Really Sad” After Continuous Votes of No Confidence Read More »
According to the Drew website, 1 out of 5 students every year will get lost in the weeds.
Student Seen Carving Through Campus Weeds With Machete Read More »
Back in March, with the 140th anniversary of the College coming up, our professional street interviewer team (not to be confused with our Ragebait TikTok street interviewer team) asked several students around the site of Old Main about what the building meant to them. This exercise likely just raised even more questions about how clueless each of the interviewees was
“Why should they, those low-life, car-driving, money saving stains on humanity, be treated equal to us, who pay lavish fees for the complete college experience”, says one concerned dormer.
ASU Establishes The “ASU Commuters Force” to Terrorize Commuters Read More »
