The beginning of the spring semester means a lot of things to different students. For many, it’s a new opportunity to center themselves, and stick to their resolutions. Some dread the return to homework and obligations. One thing that the CU community can agree on is that the start of a new year means the start of flu season.
College Students Test Positive for Ancient Diseases Read More »
In a groundbreaking new study, CU Boulder’s Neuroscience Department discovers that no one actually likes networking. It turns out that everyone is just afraid of being poor. It’s a shared psychosis in mass.
New Study Finds That No One Actually Likes Networking Events Read More »
BOULDER, Colo. (TN) — As the new year approaches, Americans appear to have quietly abandoned the annual tradition of optimistic resolutions, opting instead for modest, deeply achievable goals and motos such as getting through it, it is what it is, or even just not making things any worse. Every new year social media sees its
Boulder, CO— Ashley Clark, a student barista at the University of Colorado Boulder faced a unique challenge earlier today. Her shift started like any other, lattes, cold brews, the occasional hot chocolate. Then in walked Michael McMillan.
Barista Cuts Off Student After 5th Order of Quad Espresso Read More »
Citing “Unpredictable operational factors” ranging from weather patterns to “The general mood of the universe,” Regional Transportation District officials announced Monday that buses taking students home for Thanksgiving break will depart sometime between 8 a.m. Wednesday and, conservatively, next Tuesday.
RTD Buses Leaving for Thanksgiving Will Depart Sometime Between 8 AM and Next Tuesday Read More »
Boulder Police have released a statement condemning the recent rise of demon summonings in residence halls and the basements of campus buildings.
CU PD Reports Alarming Increase in Demon Summons on Campus Read More »
BOULDER, CO (TN)— On Monday, November 3rd, Evan Shrinner was preparing for his honors defense when he inadvertently collapsed the CU Boulder’s IT department. Shrinner volunteers at the CU Rapid Alert system and is an honors student at the university. In a panic, Shrinner opened his browser and hastily typed “Do they check your browser
BOULDER, Colo. (TN)— When sophomore English major Emily Torres signed up for CU Boulder’s new E.S.G. program, or emotional support geese program, she expected a peaceful, animal-assisted stress reliever. Instead, she found herself standing knee-deep in grass on the edge of Varsity Lake, clutching a waiver form, staring into the unblinking eyes of a Canada goose named Gerald.
A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.
Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs Read More »
BOULDER, Colo.(TN) — On Thurs. Oct. 15 CU Boulder announced the nation’s first academic program dedicated to procrastination. University officials say it’s been “a long time coming.” The Procrastination program promises to prepare students for a lifetime of putting things off with intention, purpose, and the absolute bare minimum effort a human being can possibly contribute.
CU Boulder Introduces New Major in Procrastination Studies Read More »
