CU Boulder - The Nut

Student Gets Hypothermia From Cold Shower After Heater Broke

The CU Boulder campus is split into factions over a contentious issue. The debate started in mid-January and quickly spiraled out of control. The campus water heaters have been experiencing issues since there have been student dorms, but lately, things have taken a turn. Students haven’t been able to take even 10-minute showers without the water turning cold, leading to many abstaining from showering in the first place.

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College Students Test Positive for Ancient Diseases

Campus / CU Boulder

The beginning of the spring semester means a lot of things to different students. For many, it’s a new opportunity to center themselves, and stick to their resolutions. Some dread the return to homework and obligations. One thing that the CU community can agree on is that the start of a new year means the start of flu season.

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New Study Finds That No One Actually Likes Networking Events

Must Read / CU Boulder

In a groundbreaking new study, CU Boulder’s Neuroscience Department discovers that no one actually likes networking. It turns out that everyone is just afraid of being poor. It’s a shared psychosis in mass.

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2026, The Year of Zero New Years Resolutions

Holiday / CU Boulder

BOULDER, Colo. (TN) — As the new year approaches, Americans appear to have quietly abandoned the annual tradition of optimistic resolutions, opting instead for modest, deeply achievable goals and motos such as getting through it, it is what it is, or even just not making things any worse. Every new year social media sees its

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Barista Cuts Off Student After 5th Order of Quad Espresso

Food, Student / CU Boulder

Boulder, CO— Ashley Clark, a student barista at the University of Colorado Boulder faced a unique challenge earlier today. Her shift started like any other, lattes, cold brews, the occasional hot chocolate. Then in walked Michael McMillan.

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RTD Buses Leaving for Thanksgiving Will Depart Sometime Between 8 AM and Next Tuesday

Campus, Holiday / CU Boulder

Citing “Unpredictable operational factors” ranging from weather patterns to “The general mood of the universe,” Regional Transportation District officials announced Monday that buses taking students home for Thanksgiving break will depart sometime between 8 a.m. Wednesday and, conservatively, next Tuesday.

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CU PD Reports Alarming Increase in Demon Summons on Campus

Campus, Editors Pick / CU Boulder

Boulder Police have released a statement condemning the recent rise of demon summonings in residence halls and the basements of campus buildings.

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Honors Student Creates Campus Wide Panic at CU Boulder with Inadvertent Campus Wide-Alert

Student / CU Boulder

BOULDER, CO (TN)— On Monday, November 3rd, Evan Shrinner was preparing for his honors defense when he inadvertently collapsed the CU Boulder’s IT department. Shrinner volunteers at the CU Rapid Alert system and is an honors student at the university. In a panic, Shrinner opened his browser and hastily typed “Do they check your browser

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CU Boulder Introduces Emotional Support Geese

Campus / CU Boulder

BOULDER, Colo. (TN)— When sophomore English major Emily Torres signed up for CU Boulder’s new E.S.G. program, or emotional support geese program, she expected a peaceful, animal-assisted stress reliever. Instead, she found herself standing knee-deep in grass on the edge of Varsity Lake, clutching a waiver form, staring into the unblinking eyes of a Canada goose named Gerald.

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Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs

Campus, Student / CU Boulder

A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.

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