Drew

Drew’s Bingo team Clinches #1 seed for NCAA Bingo Championship Tournamant for the 4th year in a row

Sports /

Drew’s Bingo team has been dominant for nearly three decades since the program was taken over by legendary Bingo Hall of Fame coach Billy “The Diagonal” Smith in 1998. In that time, the team has won 19 NCAA championships, the most by a single coach and the most since adding the “X,” “Big Square,” “Little Square,” and “Full Card” rounds. The team continues to prove its dominance by clinching the #1 seed for the fourth year in a row.

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Drew President Puts Tariffs on All Food Being Delivered to Campus in Order to Encourage Students to Eat at Commons

Campus, Editors Pick, National /

This week at Drew, the University has put a 500% tariff on all food delivered to campus. “Yeah I guess they’re worried that no one is eating in the Commons anymore and just use DoorDash and Uber eats.,” said Drew Sophomore, Tommy Greer, “So now I have to decide between spending $150 on a DoorDash or risking my life on Commons chicken? It’s a tough call.”

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Santa Places Drew Admin on “Naughty List” After Getting Conduct Warning For Breaking Into EC Chimney

Holiday /

In a recent turn of events which has sent shockwaves through the hallowed paths of Drew University, jolly old Saint Nick himself has suddenly declared all-out war on the school administration. The catalyst for this sudden conflict? A midnight incident at the EC which landed Santa Claus in hot water with security.

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Newly Independent Squirrels Now Restricting Forrest Access to Students Requiring Them to Carry “Acorn Passes”

Campus /

In a groundbreaking deal, Drew University has signed an official partnership with the Free and United Forest Squirrel Republic (F.U.F.S.R.), the newly formed squirrel government in The Forest. Under this historic arrangement, students, faculty, and staff are now required to carry “Acorn Passes” to ensure safe passage through F.U.F.S.R.-controlled zones.

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