Drew

Santa Announces That He Will Not Be Delivering Gifts to Drew University This Year

Holiday /

Could Santa Claus be skipping Drew University on his route this year? Does Drew parking offer more parking passes than they have open parking spots? Unfortunately the answer to both is yes. Nut journalist’s received an exclusive interview with Santa where he announced “Guess who’s on my naughty list? Drew University for giving me a […]

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Drew Admin Uses Yik Yak as a Psyop to Convince Students That The Campus is Cool

Campus /

That’s right, you read correctly, Yik Yak is back and cooler than ever! A handful of dedicated students have been working hard to revive Drew’s Yik Yak, and it is paying off. Finally, there is a platform where only students of Drew can anonymously share their honest opinions of life on campus, and where definitely

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Student Inadvertently Sets World Breath Holding Record In Class While Concealing Weed Smoke

Student /

This week at Drew, November 26th 2023, Senior Paul Hempson was welcomed into the Guinness World Record Hall of Fame for holding his breath for an entire 45 minute lecture. “To be honest I wasn’t even trying to set the record,” said Hempson, “I just didn’t want anyone to know I was holding in a

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Drew Has Replaced Campus Security With The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Campus /

Drew University has replaced campus security with the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. What at first seemed like a decision that made campus life more fun and nostalgic ended up becoming a never-ending nightmare for students.The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers have been out of work for a long time getting replaced by much cooler and younger

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Drew Pro Staff Using Thanksgiving Break To Expose Students’ Weird Possessions

Campus, Holiday /

Nobody likes knowing that their rooms will be inspected by Residential staff during break, but this year, in an effort to make sure students realize what they’re leaving out, Pro Staff has announced that they will be posting the Top 10 Weirdest things students have in their rooms.   Spokesperson for RHA, Kelly Grambler, tells

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Student Caught Trying to Bribe Their Professor to Get Off Waitlist For Class

Professor, Student /

In a shocking turn of events at Drew University, a desperate student on the waitlist for a popular class has resorted to extreme measures to secure a spot. The student, who we’ll call “Bargain Billy,” allegedly attempted to make an offer the professor couldn’t refuse. It all started innocently enough, with Bargain Billy approaching the

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Student’s Roommate Finally Returns to The Room After Breaking up With Boyfriend

Student /

Having roommates while in college can be an emotional and experienced rollercoaster. You never know what awaits you when you arrive at your dorm, from impromptu movie evenings to late-night study sessions. But there’s always that one type of roommate who never shows up. Their significant other is the reason for this unusual occasion. What

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Drew Facilities Won’t Stop Until They Blowing Away Every Last Leaf

Campus, Uncategorized /

It’s that time of year, when the leaves change color and turn our forest into a picturesque orange rainbow perfect for promotional pictures. But there’s one drawback to this lovely time of year. Once the leaves fall, Drew releases an army of highly trained facilities staff whose one mission is to find and destroy every

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Drew Started Setting Up For Christmas Way Too Early and is Playing Mariah Carey on Repeat in the Commons

Campus, Food, Holiday /

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Drew University has completely skipped over Thanksgiving and jumped straight into the Christmas spirit. Mariah Carey’s infamous holiday tune All I Want for Christmas Is You has been blaring through the speakers in the Commons 24/7.   This move has caused great distress to residents of nearby Welch

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