In a recent shocking revelation to the Drew community, it has been discovered that this past Monday’s construction at Brothers College was not merely a routine roof replacement — in fact, a top-secret project is underway to transform the historic building into a launchpad for a guided cruise missile.
In a move that’s shaking the academic world (or at least the very quiet world of Drew University), all Drew professors are being replaced by an AI chat bot. That’s right—goodbye, actual humans with PhDs and personal vendettas against tardy students, and hello to a shiny, 24/7, emotionally-void chatbot that doesn’t care if you turn in your essay 11 days late, as long as you type it in Comic Sans.
Due to Budget Cuts, Drew Starts Replacing Professors With ChatGPT Read More »
MSU has the eighth largest campus in the country, and it takes a lot to keep it pretty. Since it is in the state of Michigan, there is obviously endless construction going on. Many major roads are under construction as well as a brand new cultural center that has a lot of people excited.
MSU Road Construction To Conclude in 2084; New Cultural Center in 2132 Read More »
In a shocking display of defiance against the university’s tightened security protocols, a group of Drew University students recently gathered in the heart of campus to perform a satanic ritual.
Some hotspot bars around East Lansing and MSU’s campus include Rick’s, Harper’s, Landshark, Fieldhouse, and others. All of these bars swear that they have no knowledge of anybody underage drinking in their bars.
Local Bars Near MSU Seem Unaware of Underage Drinking Read More »
Drew University has officially announced its most awaited course offering: Advanced Ghosting Techniques 404. This course, designed for students wishing to learn the fine art of disappearing from social obligations and embarrassing circumstances, promises to take ghosting to the next level.
In a shocking turn of events that has left Drew University students feeling more than hangry, the campus’s newly implemented Grubhub-based dining system has been crippled by a ransomware attack.
One of Drew University’s fun and unique features is the on-campus bar, The Pub, located in the EC. Known for its cozy atmosphere and bizarre videos, it has also been a favorite because of its free pizza policy. Alas, this is finally changing, with pizza now costing $2.
In a shocking turn of events, Drew University students have been disappearing from Tolley Hall at an alarming rate. A band of militant squirrels has been behind the abductions, fed up with the students’ disregard for their woodland haven.
On one recent morning, students awoke to a strange chill in the air. It was not just the winter air settling in; there was an ominous wind blowing. Those who felt it tried valiantly to ignore it, but when they reached Commons, they realized that calamity had struck.
