Holiday

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Student Uses Oujia Board to Summon Ghost to Help Him Cheat on Exam

A recent wave of unexplained occurrences in Drew University’s Hall of Sciences has left students and professors both terrified and intrigued. Reports of objects moving on their own, strange noises, and even the occasional paranormal apparition had many convinced that an evil poltergeist was haunting the building. However, a shocking revelation has put an end to the supernatural speculation.
It seems the culprit behind the ghostly activity was not a malevolent entity from beyond the grave, but rather a mischievous spirit from Drew’s own history: a Hoyt ghost, summoned inadvertently by a desperate student seeking academic assistance.
According to sources, a student in the Statistics department, facing a particularly challenging exam, decided to try their luck with a Ouija board. Hoping to summon a helpful spirit, they accidentally tapped into the spectral realm of Hoyt Hall’s infamous fourth floor, home to many prominent Drew spirits.
The demon that the student summoned, a somewhat disgruntled former super-senior named Ediugyduts the Studious, was more than willing to lend a helping hand. However, his idea of assistance involved more than just offering tutoring – he apparently decided to have a bit of fun by causing a series of ghostly pranks that would keep the Hall of Sciences in a perpetual Kafka-esque state of chaos (including turning the rotunda into a giant hamster wheel at random), distracting faculty and staff from the student’s impending exam.
The student, initially terrified by the unintended consequences of their actions, eventually confessed to the dean, who was both shocked and amused by the bizarre tale. The ghost has since been laid to rest, and the Hall of Sciences has returned to its normal — albeit slightly more haunted — state.
The dean has announced plans to install a brand-new Facilities hotline in the Hall of Sciences named Ghost Busters, where students can report any suspicious activity without fear of judgment. The actors behind the actual Ghostbusters show have announced intention to sue for copyright infringement, which apparently left Administration unfazed — “we’re not scared of those old farts; we can just tell the ghosts to turn ‘em into acorns!” proclaimed a spokesperson, apparently unaware of both the spirit behind him blowing a loud raspberry and of the fact that that is not how haunting works.
While the incident may seem like a humorous anecdote, it serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of dabbling in the occult, even with the best of intentions. The dean has assured us that the incident is being handled with care and deathly silence.

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Drew Now Offering Ghost Tours of McClintock, What Are Those Mysterious Squeaking Noises Above Your Room

In what some are calling Drew University’s most chilling initiative yet, McClintock Hall has officially launched Ghost Tours of its loudest dorm rooms. This latest campus event promises to expose students to the eerie, GPA-draining forces lurking within the residence hall’s walls. For years, McClintock’s residents have been plagued by strange noises, missing assignments, and mysterious disturbances—but no one suspected the true culprit: restless spirits, eternally doomed to haunt your study sessions.

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Americans Leave Out Hotdogs and Water on July 4th eve for 16 time Hot Dog Eating Champion Joey Chestnut

Every year on the 4th of July, Americans across the country celebrate the way God truly intended, by watching Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Every time all eyes are on one man. No one has captured the hearts of Americans quite like the 16-time champion, Joey Chestnut.

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Santa Announces That He Will Not Be Delivering Gifts to Drew University This Year

Could Santa Claus be skipping Drew University on his route this year? Does Drew parking offer more parking passes than they have open parking spots? Unfortunately the answer to both is yes. Nut journalist’s received an exclusive interview with Santa where he announced “Guess who’s on my naughty list? Drew University for giving me a

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Drew Pro Staff Using Thanksgiving Break To Expose Students’ Weird Possessions

Nobody likes knowing that their rooms will be inspected by Residential staff during break, but this year, in an effort to make sure students realize what they’re leaving out, Pro Staff has announced that they will be posting the Top 10 Weirdest things students have in their rooms.   Spokesperson for RHA, Kelly Grambler, tells

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Drew Started Setting Up For Christmas Way Too Early and is Playing Mariah Carey on Repeat in the Commons

In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Drew University has completely skipped over Thanksgiving and jumped straight into the Christmas spirit. Mariah Carey’s infamous holiday tune All I Want for Christmas Is You has been blaring through the speakers in the Commons 24/7.   This move has caused great distress to residents of nearby Welch

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