“I don’t have any friends to share my Disney Plus account with so why should other people get to?!,” said Disney CEO, Bob Iger. (Tune in next week for “The Nut gets sued by the Disney Corporation”) Iger went on to say that Disney Plus will end all account sharing by 2024. This is bad news for Drew University as it is home to a student-run account with over a thousand profiles. “I can’t believe I am going to have to start paying full price for a stupid Disney account,” said Junior, Doug Wallace, “It’s up to like $14 now and I was shocked when the Drew account was up to 3 cents per person.”
The Drew account has existed in secret since the platform was launched nearly four years ago. The real owner of the account, Shelly Watson claims that it was not difficult to set up. “You see the way they catch people is through what IP address they are using, but we here at Drew all use the same wifi!” said Watson, “Turns out they start getting suspicious after your 1,654th new profile”
Many Drew students are angered by the loss of the account and feel that it was unfair. “First off, I consider Drew to be my family so technically it is a family plan.,” said Sophomore, Brody Post, “Secondly, I put off finishing Ahsoka and now I might not ever get to!” Lisa Emit, A senior, agreed with the sentiment saying “I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR LOKI SEASON 2 FOR SO LONG AND THEY PICK NOW TO SHUT DOWN THE ACCOUNT?.”
The enraged student body created a petition in the hopes that Disney would return the account. So far, over 1,200 students have signed with many more signatures on the way. Professor Sampson, a member of the Drew Business department for 23 years, also has signed the petition. “Hell yes I used that account!,” said Professor Sampson, “I use Disney Plus to watch the National Geographic animal documentaries and if working at Drew doesn’t get me 4K Otters holding hands, you best believe I’m retiring.”
A press conference was called by the University President to apologize for the actions of the students. “We at Drew would like to sincerely apologize to Disney. It was wrong of our students to create such an account in disregard of your clear guidelines. If they had been more mature, this all could have been avoided. But no you all had to have your own avatars and got us caught! NOW NONE OF US GET TO USE THE ACCOUNT! Way to go guys!” The university president went on to say that the profile with her name on it definitely did not belong to her.
