Just in time for Halloween Drew has announced a new addition to our campus entertainment! Now, while students enjoy a delicious meal at Commons, they can also enjoy a performance by the brand-new Ranger Bear Band!
All the members of the Ranger Bear Band are animatronics run by cutting-edge technology. In fact, it’s so cutting-edge that no one actually knows how these guys work! Except the administration, of course, and they want to assure us that “it’s definitely not ghosts, just high-tech stuff.”
There are three of these adorable and friendly band members. Meet the lead singer and guitarist, Ranger Bear, whose piercing stare is totally more intriguing than terrifying. Then there’s Squirrel Girl, the drummer, who is a bushel of fun! And of course, there’s Andy the Acorn, the keyboardist, who has no limbs and just sort of floats around, thanks to some of that super-cool futuristic tech the school assures us the animatronics are operated by.
The response to the new band has been overwhelmingly positive. One student, Hanna Hock, Junior, who lives on Hoyt’s fourth floor, tells us, “I really don’t understand how Drew got access to this incredible technology, but they’re so life-like. And, honestly, there’s something kind of familiar about them, especially Squirrel Girl… Oh, on an unrelated note, the Hoyt fourth-floor ghost hasn’t been super active lately. Maybe she’s finally moved on?”
When we asked administration how the decision was made to introduce the band, we were told, “They – uh, I mean the idea of them – just sort of appeared to us. Not in like, an apparition way. Because they are definitely animatronics that we built and control, not vessels for the undead.”
Kevin Schmidt, Sophomore, says, “These guys know how to f***ing party! You would think that school-sanctioned animatronics would stay in the Commons on their stage but these guys came to the rugby suite last week. Andy the Acorn did a keg stand!”
So far, the Ranger Bear Band is fitting right in at Drew! It’s like they’ve always been here, or perhaps some part of them has always been here… Anyway, catch these guys enjoying Halloween this week!
