Nobody likes knowing that their rooms will be inspected by Residential staff during break, but this year, in an effort to make sure students realize what they’re leaving out, Pro Staff has announced that they will be posting the Top 10 Weirdest things students have in their rooms.
Spokesperson for RHA, Kelly Grambler, tells us, “Every year, we put up signs on people’s doors and send out a dozen emails to make sure students remember to clear their room of any contraband and leave it clean, and every year students ignore our instructions. I’ve walked into a room with a toaster and an air fryer perched on a heap of garbage next to the open window. It’s ridiculous.”
CA Janine Hollond, Senior, says, “We were hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but nothing else seems to be getting students’ attention. I’ve written people up for having a full mini bar in their rooms, and they’ve been like, ‘wait, since when is this not allowed?’”
So RHA has decided they need to take it to the next level. Grambler says, “Clearly, students don’t care about cleanliness or contraband, but they do care about having the dildo collection they left on their desk posted to the school’s Instagram. Their moms comment on every post.”
She explains that this public humiliation tactic will hopefully convince students to put some thought into how they leave their dorms for Pro Staff to find them. “There’s a lot of weird stuff in peoples dorms. I’ve seen Danny Devito cardboard cutouts, an empty room with a single garden gnome in the center, a tapestry of a professor with the words ‘daddy says do your paper,’ a summoning circle drawn in blood, and even a kiddie pool turned into a mini ball pit.”
While this method is certainly unorthodox, there is hope that it may actually have an effect. If you haven’t been worried about your decorative bong getting you written up, maybe having your grandma see your fridge full of Polaroids of the Ranger Bear will get you to tidy up for pro-staff this break.
