In a revolutionary new program aimed at increasing student “immersion” (without the pesky expense of actual flights or cultural exchanges), Drew University has announced its latest initiative: Study Abroad in the Metaverse. That’s right—why bother with real passports, language barriers, or dodging overly-friendly backpackers when you can slap on a VR headset, sit on your dorm bed, and “explore” the world from the safety of your questionable Wi-Fi connection? “It’s Like Traveling, but without all that walking” The new Virtual World Program promises to transport students to digital versions of exotic locations such as Rome, Paris, and Tokyo—except it’s all done in the Metaverse. Don’t worry about packing or even getting dressed, because your virtual avatar will be a glowing, six-foot-tall humanoid with flawless skin and abs for days.
“We wanted to combine the excitement of world travel with the comfort of not having to leave your mattress,” said the program director, while lounging in a VR recreation of the Coliseum. “This way, students can ‘see’ the world without that messy ‘experiencing’ it firsthand. Plus, there’s zero risk of losing your luggage!” Of course, the cultural immersion is totally authentic, and by “authentic,” we mean it’s as accurate as your grandma’s retelling of The Godfather. Students can expect thrilling experiences such as:
● Visiting a virtual Eiffel Tower that’s as pixelated as your old Nintendo 64 games. ● “Attending” a VR-classical music concert in Vienna, only for the digital musicians to freeze mid-symphony because your connection dropped.
● Learning traditional Italian cooking from an NPC named “Giuseppe,” whose recipe for lasagna might crash halfway through and leave you with nothing but a black screen and an existential crisis.
The language courses are equally promising, with built-in AI translation. However, last semester, a glitch caused every Italian word to translate to “spaghetti,” leading to some awkward interactions. (“Excuse me, where’s the spaghetti?” “How much spaghetti does this cost?” “Spaghetti.”) Forget those overpriced European hostels where you have to share a room with 17 sweaty strangers. In the Virtual World Program, you’ll get the luxury of a 3D-rendered Airbnb, complete with all the amenities a broke college student could dream of: pixelated towels, a non-existent shower, and a bed made of pure coding errors. And if you thought real-life roommates were bad, wait until you’re stuck sharing a virtual space with another student who thinks playing Minecraft at 2 AM counts as “studying abroad.”
Let’s be real: the only thing students really want from study abroad is the nightlife. Well, the Virtual World Program delivers in spades, with virtual pubs, digital discos, and “clubs” where your avatar can grind awkwardly on other avatars while Euro EDM blasts in the background. Some students have even taken to throwing virtual toga parties in the streets of Digital Rome, complete with glitching beer kegs and toga malfunctions that would make even Mark Zuckerberg blush.
The best part? No hangovers! The days of waking up on a hostel floor in Amsterdam next to three strangers and half a kebab are over. Now, you can party all night in the Metaverse, and when you’re done, just log out and return to the comfort of your own bed—no Advil required. Unless, of course, your eyes start to bleed from staring at the screen for 12 hours straight, which is basically the 2024 version of a hangover anyway. Of course, despite the fact that you’re not physically leaving your room, Drew University is charging a totally reasonable $20,000 for this virtual “study abroad” experience. Included in this steep price: a virtual tour guide who looks suspiciously like an underpaid intern and a souvenir NFT from each “country” you visit.
Unfortunately, the NFT of the Colosseum is just a pixelated brick, but hey, it’s your pixelated brick.
The Virtual World Program is clearly the future of education—because who needs real-life cultural exposure when you can live in a glitchy utopia where your biggest problem is that your avatar’s pants keep disappearing? Drew students are already signing up in droves, eager to “travel” without the inconvenience of delayed flights, questionable hygiene, or actual human interaction. The only real downside? You still have to do all the coursework—turns out, there’s no virtual escape from that midterm on “Renaissance Art and Meme Culture.”
