It’s that time of year, when the leaves change color and turn our forest into a picturesque orange rainbow perfect for promotional pictures. But there’s one drawback to this lovely time of year. Once the leaves fall, Drew releases an army of highly trained facilities staff whose one mission is to find and destroy every leaf that has touched the ground, no matter the cost.
“My sleep has been ruined,” one Freshman, Katie Paulson, tells us. “I haven’t woken up to my alarm once, it’s all leaf blowers. Do we really need them blown at 5am? The leaves aren’t even done falling!”
“To be honest I’m impressed Drew has enough staff to place a leaf blower outside every single student’s window so early in the morning,” Gina Freeman, Senior, says. “And it feels like they get louder blowers every year. I’m starting to think they’re doing it on purpose to make sure we’re up for class.”
Jo Brown, Sophomore, sadly tells us, “I was carrying a really pretty leaf I found to save in a scrapbook, and one of them smacked it out of my hand and blew it away.”
Unfortunately, it’s not just leaves that are in danger of being blown away. We spoke to one student, Lenny Matthews, who has been mistaken for a leaf due to his red hair. “I’ve been plagued,” he tells us, harrowed. “It started when I was walking to class one day, and one of the leaf blowers got pointed at me. I thought it was an accident or a joke, but it kept happening, and a couple of them started following me.” Lenny shivers. “They had this blank look in their eyes, and they were all whispering something over and over… rogue leaf, rogue leaf… I think they’re possessed or something. Yesterday I woke up and one of them was in my room! He kept trying to blow me out the window! My roommate had to lure him out with a bunch of real leaves scattered in the hallway.”
Unnerving stuff.
Anywho, the Blowing of the Leaves has become a Drew tradition at this point, and we might as well all embrace it. Just remember to wear earplugs to bed, don’t try and keep any leaves, and do your best to not remotely resemble a leaf. Good luck!
