Before Hurricane Milton ravaged Florida, Vice President and Democratic 2024 Presidential Nominee Kamala Harris flew to California to address an “emergency meeting” in Los Angeles. Landing at Burbank’s private jetway at approximately 4:00pm, opposite to where the national emergency was declared.
Days after Hurricane Helene slammed into the Southeast, the Vice President eased her nerves with lobster rolls, goat cheese honey blueberry rolls, beef wellington, and a few crab cakes. Blasting Beyoncé’s “Freedom”, alluding to the avoidance of responsibility, the Vice President got down to the fiery beat while snacking.
“Oh, it’s good to be home,” she smiled, hugging A-list celebrity Jessica Alba. “Even though I technically live in Virginia,” she quipped, cackling. Taking the stage as a they/them feminine rage representative stand-in for Satan, Demi Lovato sang “Holy Fuck” in praising Vice President Harris’s emergency response. “It’s great to be here,” the songstress beamed. “We’re really going to change the country. We’re gonna represent the people. With each $250,000 ticket we have,” Lovato said humbly.
“We’re just here to represent and make a difference,” Harris interjected, flashing her honest-to-God grin. “The country is suffering right now, as you can see,” she stated, gesturing to the celebrities sipping from flutes of champagne. “The American people are our priority.”
With survivors of Hurricane Helene given overly-generous monthly payments of $750 per household, Harris helpfully stepped in, raising 28 million in donations to her own campaign. “We’re gonna help these survivors, these victims, by beating Trump,” Harris nodded. “Every dollar counts. We’ve used emails from personal college student accounts to boost the message. We’re gonna help the working class people, that’s our goal. We need to focus on the election,” she smiled, swishing her Dom-Pérignon champagne. “We’re in crisis mode,” she asserted, snatching a lobster roll off a server’s tray.
