Friday night, our reporter wired themself up to go undercover in Tolley Brown’s Basement. Underneath that seemingly happy yak on the yik yak app icon lies something more sinister. When our reporter was playing their daily Yakle, they came across multiple comments about supposed fights between commuters and on-campus residents.
One comment detailed,”Gonna throw my tuition bill at that one commuter. He won’t survive feeling my future wage garnishing.”
Another comment read, “If another resident parks in my parking spot, they will come back to deflated tires and the class I was late for.”
There are also more cryptic comments like, “Block four is the move tonight,” or, “One wrong move and it will all come tumbling down.”
After seeing the buildup of these comments, our reporter came across a secret code that we figured a finance major wrote, “What basement will we watch ourselves gain numbers on 20 more stocks again tonight? Tolley Brown!”
Our team figured this couldn’t be true because we’ve never seen a finance major win more than a McDonald’s Happy Meal toy and a pat on the back when dealing with stocks, so we wanted to investigate further.
With wires and a stock app downloaded on their phone, our reporter opened the door to Tolley Brown’s basement on Friday night. When entering the room, there were countless students surrounding a scene in the middle of the room.
A single light was on as another dryer broke in the background. Our reporter finally saw why there was so much secrecy around this event.
“This is the finishing move for sure, you’re done!” One person in the center of the room was surrounded by shouting students as he held the winning Jenga block in his hand. As the tower lay on the floor, the opposing person crumpled.
“Here, just take my parking spot! I need to move my car.” Betting parking spots over a Jenga game, is this how the endless war between commuters and residents on campus will end?
Either way, that winner later lost their parking spot to a squirrel and had to end up parking in the depths of the Drew forest. Rumors spread that he was spotted playing Jenga with one of the deer.
There are no real winners in a Yik Yak war.
