We all know going back to class after spring break is hard. The idea of opening Canvas again is, frankly, offensive. But while most students are coping with iced coffee and mild resentment, a select group on campus has found a more… luxurious method of reintegration.
After returning from a “life-changing” spring break trip to Thailand, Barnard sophomore Lila Kensington reportedly rewarded herself for attending all of her classes this week with a casual Fifth Avenue shopping spree.
“I just think it’s important to celebrate the little wins,” Kensington said. “Like yes, I did spend ten days at a private villa in Phuket, but I also went to my 9:10 a.m. lecture on Tuesday. That takes strength.”
Kensington is not alone. According to multiple eyewitnesses (and the 600 trash cans), this behavior has quickly become a trend among students returning from international spring break trips. Facilities staff have reported a sharp increase in discarded luxury packaging, noting that more Louis Vuitton boxes were found in campus trash bins this week than at any other point this semester.
“I opened the trash, and it was just… orange,” said one facilities worker, still visibly shaken. “At first, I thought it was a fire hazard. But no. Just handbags.”
Students who opted for more domestic spring break destinations have expressed confusion over the phenomenon.
“I went to West Palm Beach,” said freshman Carly Dugan. “I just… went back to class. No one told me I was supposed to get a reward.”
But according to those who traveled abroad, the justification is obvious.
“You don’t understand the toll international travel takes on the body,” Kensington explained. “The time difference, the cultural immersion, the yacht-related fatigue. By the time I got back, I was basically fighting for my life. A small shopping moment felt necessary.”
Experts (econ majors) have begun referring to the trend as “Post-Spring Break Stimulus Spending,” a coping mechanism in which students financially recover from one form of excess by immediately engaging in another.
At press time, Kensington was seen leaving Chanel, explaining that she “deserved a little something” for completing her weekly reading.
