In an effort to compete with the Easter Bunny’s growing popularity, Ranger Bear took to hiding tuition money around campus. The money, taken from real students’ tuition, was cleverly scattered in small, unassuming acorns.
The rules were as follows: If you can find your tuition money, you get to keep it. However, should President Hilary Link find it first, you will forever be a wage slave to Drew University.
“Big up The Union! That’s my money; no ‘Hilary Link’ will get in my way,” said Jimothy Jones, one student whose tuition was stolen and hidden by the scheming mascot. Ranger Bear admitted to hiding three hundred students’ tuition and has reported no increase in popularity with the student population since.
In fact, this event has caused great turmoil and anger among students towards the administration and each other. In one instance, two students with the same name found the same acorn and fought until only one was left standing. The survivor has since been suspended until further notice.
“We need everyone to calm down. It’s not that serious,” said Hilary Link in a campus-wide email. Except it wasn’t that serious. Link discovered two hundred and seven out of three hundred acorns, effectively enslaving 9.3% of the student population.
Students on YikYak suspect foul play, as Link is part of the administration, but nothing has been confirmed.
