Due to the pressure of an ever-changing job market, a radical new approach has emerged amongst ambitious students at Grand Valley State University. Labeled the “Fast Track” to success, the strategy involves doubling a credit load each semester with hopes of graduating in half the time and cost it usually would take.
This new idea is not one without flaws, however, as it has left many with little to no time for eating or sleeping outside of attending class and studying, leaving students extremely tired from the hectic pace.
As a result, an increasing number of students are collapsing due to exhaustion and sleep deprivation, with several found unconscious at their desks or on various benches around campus, and numerous discarded beverages nearby.
Another issue is the dramatic increase in the weight of backpacks, with a notable case this past Friday, where a student was found pinned to the ground a short distance from the bookstore with 80 pounds of textbooks and school supplies in their backpack, gasping for air, yet declining our offer to help.
To address this crisis, GVSU has introduced new energy drinking fountains, where students can find limitless energy with only slightly inconvenient side effects, such as jittery hands and irritability.
Another innovation has been the implementation of massive fleets of self-driving electric scooters, which have allowed students to save precious minutes for studying or eating while in transit between classes.
Such solutions, unfortunately, come with their own set of new problems, as numerous scooter collisions have occurred in high traffic areas, with several students reporting cases of road rash and broken headphones, no doubt related to the combination of automated driving and caffeine-fueled negligence.
Motivations for these actions mainly stem from avoiding the large student loans many face when looking at paying for 4 years of classes instead of 2, forcing some to put their health, both mental and physical, on the line to succeed.
While the viability of this plan is yet to be seen, some students who are anxious about falling behind feel pressured into following such trends to stay competitive, pushing themselves to work almost nonstop.
The big question that remains is if these students will retain this information in the long term, and the toll it will take on their health. Despite concerns, it is proving to be an alluring lifestyle, as many are attracted to getting through school quickly and cheaply, whatever the cost to themselves.
