After spending upwards of $10,000 on an impressive new Chromebook, sophomore student Stephen Jockey now possesses a machine strong enough to keep up with the ever-increasing pace of his oppressive college workload.
However, Jockey intended to use his new laptop for something a little different.
Specifically, playing “Minecraft” with an “Extreme Graphics” modification enabled. Fortunately for Jockey, he got to play his game. Unfortunately for everyone else, his seemingly harmless activity ended up setting an entire dormitory unit ablaze.
“I didn’t think much of it,” Jockey sneered. “It was nothing new, to be honest. I always hop on Minecraft with the boys after a long day. We thought playing with, like, an RTX mod would just be funny, honestly.”
Carly Kohler, a junior student and dorm resident, commented on the fire, stating her confusion with the situation.
“How does Minecraft burn down a building?” she remarked. “I mean, I just don’t get it. What in the world were you doing on that thing that lit the dorms up in flames? Like, what are you even doing, man?”
Two roommates across from Jockey’s dorm room, freshmen Annie Blakley and May Manson, discussed potential legal action against Jockey after losing their $2,100 worth of anime figurines to the fire.
“You hear me, you little sh*t,” Blakley howled. “Your scrawny b*tch a*s is going straight to hell for this sh*t. I hope you can find a lawyer to save your goofy j*ck*ss self. J*ck*ss.”
Manson felt similarly to Blakley, although she expressed her thoughts in a much more quaint manner.
“Sh*t sucks, bro,” Manson muttered.
One such student, sophomore Murphy Lawson, had the unfortunate experience of getting trapped in their dorm room after the ceiling came crashing down on them. However, they were ultimately grateful to Jockey for giving them a legitimate excuse to miss their midterms.
“I used to pray for days like this,” Lawson cheered. “All I gotta say is thanks for saving my GPA, Jockey, you’re a real one.”
The dormitory unit is currently under reconstruction, and Jockey is being unceremoniously expelled after refusing to help cover the costs of the lost student belongings and ignoring district requests to uninstall the Minecraft modifications from his Chromebook. He also lost his financial aid.
“So this is the price you gotta pay for playing Minecraft,” Jockey retorted. “I mean, come on, if you say how realistic the water simulations were, you would’ve installed the mod too – don’t even lie, bro.”
