Tempe, AZ — The ISTB-4 lecture hall was reduced to psychological rubble Tuesday morning after freshman Mason started chanting “6 7” during the professor’s Unit 6 lecture. Witnesses say the professor froze mid-equation, muttered something about “the laws of thermodynamics not applying to clowns,” and then detonated emotionally, screaming that if he heard those numbers again, he’d “personally turn the building into plasma.” Mason, reportedly unfazed, brandished a bottle of mustard and shouted “6 7, is still massive, you know what else is MASSIVE” prompting absolute anarchy among the freshmen.
Students rioted in celebration, coating whiteboards with mustard hieroglyphs and chanting” six, seven, cp heaven.” Campus alarms blared as someone microwaved a jar of mustard in the engineering lounge, setting off sprinklers and summoning the Tempe Fire Department. The professor allegedly vanished into the night muttering “Cp equals Cv plus R” while campus security sealed the building. Fulton Discord servers immediately canonized Mason as “The Prophet of the Great Meme Reset” with memes spreading faster than goon sessions during finals week.
The administration, embodying ASU’s spirit of innovation, capitalized on the chaos by launching the “Forks Up for 6 7” merch drop within 24 hours. Hoodies went for $89.99, mustard-stained mugs for $49.99, and an official “ISTB Mustard Cleanup Fee” appeared on every student’s MyASU bill.
A new “6 7 Resilience Fund” was announced to “honor the spirit of innovation,” though insiders confirm most proceeds are going toward repainting ISTB’s walls, now permanently tinted “Sun Devil Yellow.” Stay tuned for more info.
