Too many students have been getting away with things around Drew Campus, and the Drew administration is taking extreme measures to crack down on student transgressors.
In their latest policy, Drew administrators have partnered with multiple coding, chemistry, and computer science classes to create turbo speed rockets for the security vehicles that patrol campus. “All security does is give tickets to cars without permits. No, that’s like, actually literally all they do,” said one student.
Beyond the confusion caused by these implementations, students are terrified for their lives. One such student, Chris, was nearly killed when a patrol car came speeding around a corner, running over a squirrel in the process, then barely missing him soon after.
The driver pulled over and exited the vehicle, then said, “You were jaywalking.” He proceeded to give Chris a ticket with a fine of $300. “You know that one snail from that movie? Yeah, that’s how fast he was going and how quickly my life flashed before my eyes,” Chris said.
Since all the security vehicles have been upgraded with these devices, the people who were once supposed to protect students are now the main cause for concern. In protest, students have begun purposefully standing in front of patrol cars in order to accrue reimbursement for their trauma.
