Boulder, CO— CU Boulder is known for being one of the most beautiful college campuses in the United States, and in a bid to become even more beautiful, it transformed the campus over the summer. More trees than ever have been planted, turning the college into a lush green haven, and students are feeling the difference.
“It feels so much more positive. I can’t help but spend all my time outdoors now.” Says Tamara Walters, who we caught lounging on a hammock in between classes.
However, one drawback is causing outcry from increasing numbers of students. To plant more trees, CU decreased the width of the sidewalks. This would seem like a non-issue to many, if not for the fact that only 10% of CU Boulder students can walk in a straight line.
At first, the number of people falling off the sidewalk into the grass was attributed to muscle memory being changed. Students remembered the sidewalks being bigger, and they would forget. But after stores in the area reported being out of laundry detergent due to the amount of grass stains on CU Boulder students, CU Outdoor Services was asked to step in. After a week of observation, they concluded that every three steps, most CU students would wobble, or change directions completely.
With the thinner sidewalks, CU students never stood a chance.
“I mean it’s ridiculous,” Huffed Rhett Dunder, head landscaper, “first Justin Schwartz asks us to plant more trees and make the sidewalks smaller, and now we’re being thrown under the bus for students falling off the path. What do they want us to do? Install safety rails?”
In fact, that is exactly what Justin Schwartz wants. In a letter to the campus he announced a plan to add foot tall fences around every sidewalk, complete with a little shock if touched.
When asked for comment Schwartz remarked that these safety fences have everything to do with training students to walk straight, and absolutely nothing to do with thinking that the term cash cow means students are actually cows.
