A Monday afternoon lunch rush at Grand Valley State University’s Fresh Food Company took a dramatic turn this week after a student reported what they believed to be a raw, uncooked chicken carcass sitting unattended near the salad bar.
A local student reported something truly remarkable. A person claiming to be from the year 2049 showed up at the Mary Idema Pew Library on Monday trying to stop four students from forming a study group for their project.
Counting on their fingers, a student related, “I wanted to do my taxes, write multiple short stories and poems, make progress on my novel, catch up on my homework…and probably some other things I forgot about. I forgot how hard it is to actually write, so I could only manage one short story that still sucks.”
Student Realizes Their Spring Break Goals May Have Been Overly Ambitious Read More »
Campus celebrity raccoon, Trash Panda, is officially graduating with the Class of 2026 this May, and he’s getting an honorary degree in a new major deemed “Dumpster Economics” with a minor in “Chaos.”
“It’s a bird!”
“It’s a plane!”
“No, it’s a…dragon?!”
A Dragon Professor Appears on Campus to Teach the Curriculum of Dragons Read More »
NASA was forced to issue an emergency statement Wednesday after detecting what senior scientists had described as “oh no, what the hell is that” glowing from Western Michigan around Grand Rapids.
“Neon Day” Participant Visible From Space, NASA Issues Statement Read More »
In what campus officials are calling “the fourth time this month,” a fire alarm ripped through the peaceful slumber of students in a northern dorm at 3:39 AM – Monday morning, sources say. When the outside windchill temperature was an astonishing -10 degrees.
Fire Alarm Goes Off at 3 AM in Below-Zero Weather, Students Suspect Arson Was Popcorn Read More »
“All I want is to just see the answer. Either the videos take way too long to get the point, or they are way too fast to even keep up with! Where is the happy middle? Where are the videos that just give the steps?” the student ranted.
Student Wishes Youtube Tutorial Would Just Get to the Fucking Point Read More »
“I hit print and nothing happened, which is pretty common for this campus,” the student explained, their face blank with shock. “But then…it just…started talking? Like actual words. And I was like, ‘Okay, I’ve finally lost it. This is where they throw me in the loony bin. This is how it ends.’”
Printer Achieves Consciousness, Still Refuses To Work Read More »
Students all across campus report the absolute ridiculous wintry conditions they have to travel to class in. Because of these freezing temperatures, the students tend to wear an absurd amount of clothing, so much so that they waddle like penguins.
