Drew administrators have partnered with multiple coding, chemistry, and computer science classes to create turbo speed rockets for the security vehicles that patrol campus.
Drew Students Fear for Lives Due to Rocket Powered Campus Security Cars Read More »
With concerns regarding the stability of federal research funding, UVA has decided upon a new cost-saving initiative. The University will, beginning this spring, no longer be maintaining or acknowledging the existence of crosswalks on grounds.
After speaking at a conference, which was meant to be mostly insular about adding new education departments, a reporter, who showed up to ask about the latest “Compact” of the University, raised a question to him as he stood at the podium. Although not expected to answer any more questions about this issue, at least not at this event, the President boldly decided to respond to the various concerns she listed: “You know, no one really knows what the ‘U’ in UArizona really means.” *He spoke proudly before looking wistfully upon the audience.* “Personally, I think it should mean ‘Unity’.”
This past weekend, Grand Valley State University students gathered for what was advertised as “The Most Legendary Halloween Bash in Allendale History.”
Halloweekend Party Declared a Public Safety Incident (Spiritually, Not Legally) Read More »
Witnesses say the professor froze mid-equation, muttered something about “the laws of thermodynamics not applying to clowns,” and then detonated emotionally, screaming that if he heard those numbers again, he’d “personally turn the building into plasma.”
ASU Professor Blows up After Freshman Won’t Stop Yelling 6 7 in ISTB. Read More »
BOULDER, Colo. (TN)— When sophomore English major Emily Torres signed up for CU Boulder’s new E.S.G. program, or emotional support geese program, she expected a peaceful, animal-assisted stress reliever. Instead, she found herself standing knee-deep in grass on the edge of Varsity Lake, clutching a waiver form, staring into the unblinking eyes of a Canada goose named Gerald.
Then a howl came forth from the ground, and the earth quaked as hundreds of Ranger Bears burst out of the soil.
Ghost Tour of Campus Leads Visitors to Ranger Bear Cemetery Read More »
A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.
Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs Read More »
Since last year’s dining service switched to gourmet dining, which solely utilizes Grubhub, Ranger Bear has become accustomed to ordering his usual McDonald’s and storing it for the upcoming winter.
Ranger Bear Forced to Come out of Hibernation Following Grubhub Shutdown Read More »
This Wednesday, an unprecedented and disturbing event occurred just off UVA grounds. A CVS Creep was spotted inside the store, harassing an undergraduate student.
Urgent Grounds-Wide Announcement: CVS Creeps Have Learned How to Use Doors Read More »
