National

Drew President Puts Tariffs on All Food Being Delivered to Campus in Order to Encourage Students to Eat at Commons

This week at Drew, the University has put a 500% tariff on all food delivered to campus. “Yeah I guess they’re worried that no one is eating in the Commons anymore and just use DoorDash and Uber eats.,” said Drew Sophomore, Tommy Greer, “So now I have to decide between spending $150 on a DoorDash or risking my life on Commons chicken? It’s a tough call.”

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Kamala Harris is in “Crisis Mode” Over Hurricane Relief as She Enjoys Delicious Lobster Roll in California

Before Hurricane Milton ravaged Florida, Vice President and Democratic 2024 Presidential Nominee Kamala Harris flew to California to address an “emergency meeting” in Los Angeles. Landing at Burbank’s private jetway at approximately 4:00pm, opposite to where the national emergency was declared.

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Method Actors? The Broadway Tour Cast of Mean Girls Got Hit by a Bus in Toronto

UPDATE: 8:03 pm EST in Toronto, Canada: The opening night of the Mean Girls Tour was a “triumph” the New York Times praised. Donned in a sustainable and sparkly recycled trash bag, lead actress Maya Petropoulos beamed: “I got to sing and act like a bitch all night,” she crowed. “I can’t believe I get paid to do this,” she gushed to reporters.

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Matt Gaetz Claims He Did Not Receive Any Botox or Other Gender-Affirming Care

Matt Gaetz a congressman from Florida, who is currently being investigated for sex trafficking a minor, recently spoke at the republican national convention looking smoother and shinier than ever. This led to many people on the internet claiming that he had some work done prior to speaking at the convention.

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