MINNEAPOLIS, MINN.,—Sam Jones, a popular frat boy at the University of Minnesota, shed tears after he learned President Trump imposed tariffs on imports from Canada and Mexico.
Frat Guy Tosses Trump Flag After Seeing Tariffs Will Affect Price of Beer Read More »
The year is 2032, Y24, the city-destroying asteroid first discovered in 2024, is set to hit Earth any day now. The asteroid is on an impact course with the small liberal arts college, Drew University, where it will land directly on the headquarters of the school’s 2nd tier news source, The Acorn.
City-Killer Asteroid Now 0% Chance as Drew Becomes Asteroid-Free Campus Read More »
This week at Drew, the University has put a 500% tariff on all food delivered to campus. “Yeah I guess they’re worried that no one is eating in the Commons anymore and just use DoorDash and Uber eats.,” said Drew Sophomore, Tommy Greer, “So now I have to decide between spending $150 on a DoorDash or risking my life on Commons chicken? It’s a tough call.”
Last spring, Indiana University faced significant unrest amidst the Israel-Palestine protests that swept the nation. After pointing snipers at student groups in Dunn Meadow failed to quell the uproar, administrators looked towards other – more innovative – methods.
All of Monroe County “Closed for Construction” to Prevent IU Protests Read More »
Before Hurricane Milton ravaged Florida, Vice President and Democratic 2024 Presidential Nominee Kamala Harris flew to California to address an “emergency meeting” in Los Angeles. Landing at Burbank’s private jetway at approximately 4:00pm, opposite to where the national emergency was declared.
UPDATE: 8:03 pm EST in Toronto, Canada: The opening night of the Mean Girls Tour was a “triumph” the New York Times praised. Donned in a sustainable and sparkly recycled trash bag, lead actress Maya Petropoulos beamed: “I got to sing and act like a bitch all night,” she crowed. “I can’t believe I get paid to do this,” she gushed to reporters.
Method Actors? The Broadway Tour Cast of Mean Girls Got Hit by a Bus in Toronto Read More »
Dave Winston, SSN: 756-43-2366, says that he is extremely concerned that his social security will be leaked. “I just don’t know what I’d do if my SSN was made public!,” said Winston.
Dave Winston, 756-43-2366, extremely concerned about social security leak Read More »
Biden has been having a rough time lately. He fumbled and mumbled during the debate, Trump got shot and has been getting all of the attention, and Biden even got COVID-19.
“That’s it! I quit!” Frustrated Biden Exclaims After He Spills Ice Cream Cone on Desk Read More »
Matt Gaetz a congressman from Florida, who is currently being investigated for sex trafficking a minor, recently spoke at the republican national convention looking smoother and shinier than ever. This led to many people on the internet claiming that he had some work done prior to speaking at the convention.
Matt Gaetz Claims He Did Not Receive Any Botox or Other Gender-Affirming Care Read More »
According to a recent poll, 80% of Conservative Americans will no longer vote for Trump now that he has pierced his right ear, more frequently referred to as the “Gay Ear.”
Conservatives Turn On Trump After He Gets Piercing In The “Gay Ear” Read More »
