Student - The Nut

Student Returning From Winter Break Realizes He Has No Real Friends on Campus

“See, last semester, I had a bunch of friends, We all sat at the same table in one of my Math classes, and we would chat breeze for the 15 minutes it took for the class to start, it was a riot,” Ali explained, “When Finals rolled around, We all got each others numbers and swore we would call each other, but all of December, I never got a single text from any of them. I could have called them, I guess, but I just never got around to it.”

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Parent Solves Winter Break Standoff By Strapping College Student To Plane Seat, Launching Them Back To Campus

Campus, Holiday, Student / Arizona State

The student apparently could be heard yelling that they “could have driven” while ascending rapidly by the flight radio.

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Barista Cuts Off Student After 5th Order of Quad Espresso

Food, Student / CU Boulder

Boulder, CO— Ashley Clark, a student barista at the University of Colorado Boulder faced a unique challenge earlier today. Her shift started like any other, lattes, cold brews, the occasional hot chocolate. Then in walked Michael McMillan.

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Woman Hired to Act as a Mother Who Lives Vicariously Through Her Children to Make Students Feel at Home for the Holidays

Campus, Holiday, Student / Drew

She has been seen giving students instruments and sports equipment and telling them that she “sacrificed everything for them, so they can’t fail!!”.

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Asu Student Suspended From Tooker for Allegedly Sleeping Before CMH 114 Midterm

Campus, Professor, Student / Arizona State

Residential staff labeled the incident “a breach of academic culture,” noting that J’s eight full hours of rest posed “a violation of the complete Fulton School’s experience.” Students on the floor gathered in the hallway chanting obscenities as RAs escorted J out of the building for what they described as “malicious resting.”

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Barstool Intern Finds out Job Is Just Scrolling TikTok for 80 Hours a Week

Student / Kennesaw State University

Recent KSU alum Hunter Williams found himself unsatisfied with his internship under the Barstool Sports media empire. Majoring in Sports and Entertainment Marketing, he hoped to be able to push the sports podcasts of men who watch highlights of one sport and gain connections in the industry. After an interview that focused on beer chugging technique and if he was “not a beta,” he finds his hours are usually spent scrolling on TikTok and finding videos to “repost” on the Barstool.

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Honors Student Creates Campus Wide Panic at CU Boulder with Inadvertent Campus Wide-Alert

Student / CU Boulder

BOULDER, CO (TN)— On Monday, November 3rd, Evan Shrinner was preparing for his honors defense when he inadvertently collapsed the CU Boulder’s IT department. Shrinner volunteers at the CU Rapid Alert system and is an honors student at the university. In a panic, Shrinner opened his browser and hastily typed “Do they check your browser

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ASU Professor Blows up After Freshman Won’t Stop Yelling 6 7 in ISTB.

Campus, Professor, Student / Arizona State

Witnesses say the professor froze mid-equation, muttered something about “the laws of thermodynamics not applying to clowns,” and then detonated emotionally, screaming that if he heard those numbers again, he’d “personally turn the building into plasma.”

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Ghost Tour of Campus Leads Visitors to Ranger Bear Cemetery

Campus, Holiday, Student / Drew

Then a howl came forth from the ground, and the earth quaked as hundreds of Ranger Bears burst out of the soil.

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Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs

Campus, Student / CU Boulder

A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.

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