Campus News

Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs

A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.

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Student

Drew Students Gladiator Battle Over the Only Laundry Machine on Campus

Junior Students Pitch “Academic Helpers” for Students: Later, Finds out Advisors Exist

POLL: 65% of U of a Students, When Asked About the Significance of Old Main, Replied by Saying Something About ‘the Alamo’

National News

Young Republican Group Chat Leaks Reveal Between the Racist Statements They Were Also Team Jeremiah for TSITP

Ranger Bear Caught With The University’s Head of HR at Coldplay Concert

Michigan State Graduate From Class of 2013 Starting to Regret Getting Commemorative “MS-13” Neck Tattoo

Students Celebrate St Patrick’s Day for the Fourth Weekend in a Row, After Blacking Out the Other Three Times

Santa Places Drew Admin on “Naughty List” After Getting Conduct Warning For Breaking Into EC Chimney

Dorm Room Friendsgiving Pot Luck Ruined as Everyone Brings Instant Mashed Potatoes

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