Local authorities have confirmed that a parent, an Arizona resident, this morning managed to break the stalemate of a three-week winter break by forcibly strapping their college-aged child to a plane seat and personally flying them in the general direction of their university after the student repeatedly refused to pack or acknowledge that the semester had started. Eyewitnesses say that the student insisted he was about to get ready moments before being escorted outside in his pajamas, secured with what appeared to be luggage straps, and was told to “text when you land” just prior to takeoff.
The pilot of said plane described watching it take off: The student apparently could be heard yelling that they “could have driven” while ascending rapidly by the flight radio. After the parent successfully landed in Sky Harbor International Airport, she was reportedly seen recreating the popular video game Grand Theft Auto by forcibly driving off to Tempe on the airport bus. Arizona State University officials would later confirm that a slightly dissociative yet technically present student arrived at class and immediately tried to sit in the back and leave early, while the parent reportedly stated they are “keeping the flight manuals in the garage” in preparation for the next academic break.
