In a desperate attempt to rid itself of a multi-million dollar debt, Drew University has announced a new college of Artificial Intelligence. As part of this new direction, the Drew administration has removed humans from the equation, opting instead for chimpanzee professors wearing META AI glasses.
These new hybrid AI courses are aimed at commuters and sponsors alike who are willing to invest their hard-earned money and time in sitting in their rooms and attending lectures online. “This is a huge step for not only Drew, but all of the United States. No chimp has ever taught a Zoom class before, let alone in glasses,” said President Link.
The administration has begun experimental training with five chimpanzees, teaching them how to wear their glasses properly. Reports show that only two of the five monkeys can put the glasses on by themselves.“It is all about trial and error. It will all be worth it in the end when these primates can wear glasses and teach students how to be good, working adults,” President Link said.
This sounds all well and good; however, students have begun questioning the administration’s motives. Many believe that this is all a big, elaborate scheme to get into President Donald Trump’s back pocket. “His fondness for AI and monkeys is well-known. How is Drew going to make money from only allowing 12-15 students into this new college? It doesn’t add up,” one concerned student said.
Students are baffled by the administration’s recent decisions, as it seems to be something no one asked for. It remains to be seen how things will progress from here, but it suffices to say that AI monkeys at Drew are here to stay.
