Campus Superhero Battles Against Streamers
This week, a masked campus vigilante stands up to aggressive streamers in a battle the school will never forget.
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“I’ll Just Take 8 AM Classes, it’ll be Fine!” Says a Foolish Freshman Commuter
Kennesaw, GA. – There is always one person who learns the hard way. As Kennesaw State welcomes new students, commuting student Iggy Russ refuses to risk with waitlists for a pre-requisite and decides to go for the available 8 a.m. class slot.
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City-Killer Asteroid Now 0% Chance as Drew Becomes Asteroid-Free Campus
The year is 2032, Y24, the city-destroying asteroid first discovered in 2024, is set to hit Earth any day now. The asteroid is on an impact course with the small liberal arts college, Drew University, where it will land directly on the headquarters of the school’s 2nd tier news source, The Acorn.
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ASU Sets Up A TikkTokers Anonymous to Help Free Students From the Shackles of TikTok Addiction
Since the recent banning and unbanning of the dominant social media platform Tik Tok many people, especially those from Gen Z, noticed a feeling of withdrawal from the app in the six hours that they were forced away from it. It was also noted that they felt everyone who felt these withdrawals were actually just experiencing reality. This resulted in a regular level of productivity and quality of life.
Purdue Study Finds That Unemployment May Lead to Increased Levels of Stress
A groundbreaking study from Purdue University suggests that unemployment may be linked to higher stress levels. Released to the public yesterday, the peer-reviewed study from Purdue’s College of Science covers a controlled experiment that lasted over four months and cost nearly $11,000. Funding came from student tuition.
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MSU Hires Campus Squirrels as Official Ambasadors; Will ReceiveMonthly Acorn Stipend and Lodging in High End Trees
In a long-overdue move, MSU has announced plans to officially hire squirrel ambassadors to promote the university after years of exploiting these adorable creatures’ unpaid labor.
Drew Saves Money by Switching All Long Treks to the Meta Verse
In a revolutionary new program aimed at increasing student “immersion” (without the pesky expense of actual flights or cultural exchanges), Drew University has announced its latest initiative: Study Abroad in the Metaverse.
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Boeing Announces New Streaming Service After Learning it Can Prevent Lawsuits
Are you looking for a new streaming service? Are you comfortable waiving your right to sue if the door falls off during your flight? Then prepare for take-off into Boeing’s brand new platform, “Bo-stream”, available soon in the App Store!
“I was made aware that many people have become fearful of flying in our 747s.,” said Boeing’s new CEO, Kelly Ortberg, “Our streaming content was specifically selected to remind people that while air travel is very safe, sometimes planes just crash and it shouldn’t be held against Boeing.”
According to Ortberg, Bo-Stream will feature exclusively air travel-related films and shows such as Sully, Lost, Alive, Final Destination, Cast Away, Yellowjackets, and many more!
To encourage people to choose the 747 for their travel, Bo-Stream will be automatically connected to the 747’s wifi without additional fees. While connected, you will also get live updates on your flight’s eta and or how much longer the plane will be able to stay in the air.
Bo-stream can be accessed once you accept the moderate 7,567-page terms and conditions document. Accepting the app’s terms and conditions permanently prevents its users from being able to take legal action against Boeing for the rest of their lives. “This is a new era for Boeing!,” said Ortberg, “So next time you fly, open Bo-Stream, watch a movie, and don’t bother yourself with how many wings a plane should have.”
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Damn, Dream Job Application That You Are Completely Qualified For Requires A Cover Letter
You graduated months ago and you have been applying for jobs every day with little to no luck. Some jobs are asking for 5 years of experience minimum for an entry-level job.
