Witnesses say the professor froze mid-equation, muttered something about “the laws of thermodynamics not applying to clowns,” and then detonated emotionally, screaming that if he heard those numbers again, he’d “personally turn the building into plasma.”
ASU Professor Blows up After Freshman Won’t Stop Yelling 6 7 in ISTB. Read More »
BOULDER, Colo. (TN)— When sophomore English major Emily Torres signed up for CU Boulder’s new E.S.G. program, or emotional support geese program, she expected a peaceful, animal-assisted stress reliever. Instead, she found herself standing knee-deep in grass on the edge of Varsity Lake, clutching a waiver form, staring into the unblinking eyes of a Canada goose named Gerald.
Then a howl came forth from the ground, and the earth quaked as hundreds of Ranger Bears burst out of the soil.
Ghost Tour of Campus Leads Visitors to Ranger Bear Cemetery Read More »
A routine hike up Chautauqua Trail ended in disaster Tuesday when CU freshman Christopher McMillan returned to his dorm reeking strongly of, “a patchouli-infused stench.” The Boulder Fire Department immediately deployed its Hazmat Response Team, suspecting a nearby drug lab–to find McMillian doing a Hot Yoga session in his room.
Fire Marshall Hoses Down Hippie to Prevent Second Hand Highs Read More »
Since last year’s dining service switched to gourmet dining, which solely utilizes Grubhub, Ranger Bear has become accustomed to ordering his usual McDonald’s and storing it for the upcoming winter.
Ranger Bear Forced to Come out of Hibernation Following Grubhub Shutdown Read More »
This Wednesday, an unprecedented and disturbing event occurred just off UVA grounds. A CVS Creep was spotted inside the store, harassing an undergraduate student.
Urgent Grounds-Wide Announcement: CVS Creeps Have Learned How to Use Doors Read More »
BOULDER, Colo.(TN) — On Thurs. Oct. 15 CU Boulder announced the nation’s first academic program dedicated to procrastination. University officials say it’s been “a long time coming.” The Procrastination program promises to prepare students for a lifetime of putting things off with intention, purpose, and the absolute bare minimum effort a human being can possibly contribute.
CU Boulder Introduces New Major in Procrastination Studies Read More »
Chaos erupted on the ASU campus Monday evening following news of a missing student over allegations of fraternizing with a University of Arizona student.
The Drew administration urges students to contact the Madison authorities should they encounter a horde of lady beetles, so they can send the proper experts to deal with it.
Copy of Students Prepare for the Upcoming Winter Lady Bug Apocalypse Read More »
As the high of fall break sizzles out, students return to campus with higher hopes and in good spirits. Coming back at the peak of midterm season, all students want to do is lock in.
However, Drew Facilities had a better idea.
Drew Students Gladiator Battle Over the Only Laundry Machine on Campus Read More »
