Hearing your alarm blaring at 8 a.m, struggling to get out of your comfy bed and making it to class on time is hard enough. Your body feels so heavy, sunken into your comforter, just five more minutes. Until you realize you have to outrun them. The armada of tiktokers. They’ve invaded the campus. You […]
Student is Constantly Late to Class Because He Has to Participate in Tik Toks Read More »
Bingo is one of the favored pastimes of Americans all over the country, including right here in our Forest. However, there has been a recent alert that the US is facing a national bingo card crisis, and investigations into the matter have revealed that the most likely cause has been none other than Drew University
Drew Starts Cutting Down Trees To Make More Bingo Cards Read More »
It’s that time of year, when the leaves change color and turn our forest into a picturesque orange rainbow perfect for promotional pictures. But there’s one drawback to this lovely time of year. Once the leaves fall, Drew releases an army of highly trained facilities staff whose one mission is to find and destroy every
Drew Facilities Won’t Stop Until They Blowing Away Every Last Leaf Read More »
In a shocking turn of events, it seems that Drew University has completely skipped over Thanksgiving and jumped straight into the Christmas spirit. Mariah Carey’s infamous holiday tune All I Want for Christmas Is You has been blaring through the speakers in the Commons 24/7. This move has caused great distress to residents of nearby Welch
Drew students have been disappointed at the absence of any popular chain restaurants on campus for years. While other schools have a food court with a variety of restaurants to choose from, Drew students are limited to Commons or EC. At last, though, students will get what they’ve been asking for; Drew University will be
It’s Monday morning and you just woke up at 8:10 am on the day of your 8:30 am lecture. With little time to get ready, you already know that you are going to be shuffling into class late with no coffee. Luckily, you are one of the few students smart enough to have purchased “Ranger
“I don’t have any friends to share my Disney Plus account with so why should other people get to?!,” said Disney CEO, Bob Iger. (Tune in next week for “The Nut gets sued by the Disney Corporation”) Iger went on to say that Disney Plus will end all account sharing by 2024. This is bad
Every year Drew Admissions hosts two Open Houses for prospective students and their families to come visit and experience what Drew has to offer. Of course, they can’t give guests the real experience if they want to entice them to come here, so for those two days that the campus is open, Admissions pulls out
Drew University Becomes Blissful Utopia for Upcoming Open House Read More »
One of Drew University’s most charming features is “the Path,” the walkways that make getting from one place to another on campus so simple and easy. However, not everyone wants to stick to the official Path, instead creating “desire paths” that diverge from the normal routes for their own convenience. Unfortunately, Drew has begun cracking
Thursday morning seemed like any other on Drew’s campus. It was almost completely quiet except for the sounds of freshmen scurrying to their morning class while upperclassmen leisurely strolled behind them. However, the morning took a drastic turn when a power outage plunged the campus into total darkness. Well, not total darkness. It was 10:30
20 Minute Power Outage Turned Drew’s Campus into a “Mad Max-like Hellscape” Read More »
