Food

In a shocking turn of events that has left Drew University students feeling more than hangry, the campus’s newly implemented Grubhub-based dining system has been crippled by a ransomware attack.

The attack believed to be orchestrated by a group of disgruntled students who have grown increasingly frustrated with the system’s frequent glitches and delays, has brought dining on campus to a screeching halt.

The hackers, who have dubbed themselves “The Starving Students Society,” are demanding the return of their glitched meal swipes as ransom.
“We’ve had enough of these faulty cards,” said a spokesperson for the group, speaking under condition of anonymity for fear of retribution from the Dreaded Drew Dining Detectives. “Our stomachs are growling, and we’re not afraid to use a little digital blackmail to get what we want.”

The ransomware attack has caused widespread chaos on campus. Students are lining up for hours at the few remaining dining options, and the dining hall has been overrun by a horde of hungry students. Some, much to the distress of dining staff, have even resorted to dumpster diving in search of food, bribing local squirrels with nuts to attack their competition and bring them more pizza.

Drew administrators are scrambling to address the crisis, issuing a statement promising to restore the dining system and meet the demands of the hackers. However, it remains unclear how they will be able to satisfy the group’s insatiable righteous hunger for their meal swipes.

In the meantime, students are left to fend for themselves. Some have turned to local restaurants, while others have resorted to cooking their own meals in their dorm rooms. But for many, the experience has been a frustrating and hunger-inducing ordeal.

The Starving Students Society’s rival group, the Youth Say Yes to Yella’s League, has taken full advantage of the chaos, organizing high-priced elite underground food markets and potluck dinners in their dorms. Lines are growing by the mile and prices soaring by the minute out of McLendon as the demand balloons to such a size that not even the entire League’s combined efforts can keep up.

Meanwhile, Campus Security is investigating the attack and trying to identify potential perpetrators. They have interviewed dozens of students and staff members, but so far, they have not been able to make any significant progress.

As the crisis continues to unfold, it remains to be seen whether the Starving Students Society will get what they want. In the meantime, Drew University students can only hope that the dining system will be up and running again soon before they starve as well.