“Why should they, those low-life, car-driving, money saving stains on humanity, be treated equal to us, who pay lavish fees for the complete college experience”, says one concerned dormer.
ASU Establishes The “ASU Commuters Force” to Terrorize Commuters Read More »
After spending upwards of $10,000 on an impressive new Chromebook, sophomore student Stephen Jockey now possesses a machine strong enough to keep up with the ever-increasing pace of his oppressive college workload.
Student’s Chromebook Running Minecraft With RTX Mods Bursts Into Flames Read More »
CU sophomore Connor Anderson has unveiled what he calls “Furry Lite,” a stripped-down, budget-friendly alternative to the full furry lifestyle. Instead of investing in an elaborate costume, Anderson debuted a pair of wool goat-skin, buttless chaps at last Friday’s student mixer, insisting the look was “both economical and breathable.”
Innovative CU Student Debuts Goat-Skin Chaps in what they call ‘Furry-Lite’ Read More »
Jordan, a Computer Science major, was minding his own business in his dorm room when the sudden urge to blow his nose overcame him. He initially believed that it meant his recent stint with the common cold was reaching its end, but he would soon prove to be mistaken. Every minute or so for the next 50 minutes he would have to blow his nose again, and after a while he began fearing that something was wrong. How could he possibly have that much mucus up his nose? His sinuses are only so big!
Sheply went further and further into his research as he typed in prompts into ChatGPT, asking about it. “Apparently, water is a major component in Red Bull, sodas, baking, and stuff. I’m actually 70% water, and I need that to live too. I totally forgot that!” Sheply then was curious about water by itself and actually drank it. He then washed it down with Root Beer.
Computer Majors Shocked to Hear Water’s Other Uses Beside Processing Chat GPT Read More »
Hebert Horbin began practicing in 1995, but due to a shift in the space-time continuum, he kept playing for 30 years!
Student Practicing Piano in EC, Looks up to Realize They’ve Been Playing for 30 Years Read More »
Junior Kelly Jones applied for a job on campus, which she assumed would be easy: Helping people edit papers. She thought, “Okay, I’m good at all of this. I might not be super outgoing, but they do mention that they train students!” Excitedly, she went ahead and submitted an application.
Students Claim Applying for on-Campus Job More Dificult Then off-Campus Job Read More »
Commuter students at Ohio University Athens have recently noticed their thigh muscles growing exponentially, becoming like those of a bodybuilder within the three short weeks this semester has been in session.
Due to the pressure of an ever-changing job market, a radical new approach has emerged amongst ambitious students at Grand Valley State University. Labeled the “Fast Track” to success, the strategy involves doubling a credit load each semester with hopes of graduating in half the time and cost it usually would take.
This week at Drew, two week old Jonathan is on track to become Drew’s next Senator!
Class President Endorses a Two Week Old Baby for Senator Read More »
